


Jerusalem

by Meri



Category: Harry Potter - Rowling
Genre: AU, M/M, Post-War, hurt!Snape
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-09-12
Updated: 2010-09-12
Packaged: 2017-10-11 16:45:37
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 23,153
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/114501
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Meri/pseuds/Meri
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Post War: Snape is in a world of pain, and Harry wants to help him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Jerusalem

**Author's Note:**

> This story was written for Arsenic's Hurt/Comfort Challenge in Dec 2005. and I'm a bit late with it.
> 
> Disclaimer: I know these characters and this world belongs to JK Rowling, and that I am using them without permission. I'm not making any money on my writings. And really, Snape was in much better shape when I got done with him than he was at the start of the story.
> 
> Thanks so much to Smara, Jody, TiraNog, Regan_V, and espeically to Beth H for above and beyond story beta.  
> Any mistakes after that are my own.

"Potter," Severus said, lowering himself slowly into the chair in the back dining room of The Three Broomsticks. He took a shuddering breath and willed the pain in his hips to ease. When it didn't, he resigned himself to being uncomfortable through dinner. At least it was pleasantly warm, even if it was a bit more crowded than usual.

Harry tilted his head, giving him a considering look. "Are you all right?" he asked after a moment more of silence.

"No worse than usual." Severus was lying, and they both knew it. His joints, damaged in the war, were slowly disintegrating from the abuse they'd received. Each day it was a bit harder to get out of bed. And Severus knew one of these days he just wasn't going to manage it at all.

"If you don't mind my saying so, it does seem somewhat worse than usual." Harry's voice was circumspect, nearly deferential, as it had never been when he was a student. His voice also carried a note of genuine concern that hadn't been there when Harry was younger. Even if it didn't help the pain, that alone warmed the cold corners of Severus' heart.

"I do, in fact, mind a great deal, as you well know. Besides which, there is nothing that can be done about it." He didn't want to talk to Harry about his injuries and what had caused them. They'd discussed it over the years and there was nothing new to add. Pity was something he could not abide.

Severus looked around. Although they had been coming here for years, people still stared at them as though they were some type of exotic display. It annoyed him as much now as it had in the beginning.

"You know, I've been doing a bit of research on this type of thing," Harry said, casually. As if they both didn't know how much time Harry devoted to his studies. "I might be able to help."

Severus scowled at one inconsiderate woman, staring at them from two tables away. Dismissing her, he turned his ire on Harry. "I think not. I'm not in such bad shape that I need to turn to you. You're hardly out of healer training. Talk to me when you have some experience."

"I'm five years out of my training. I'd say I was at least somewhat experienced." Harry's tone held his justifiable pride in his accomplishments.

Despite knowing Harry had worked hard to become a healer, Severus was determinedly unimpressed by it. "Compared to what?"

Harry sighed softly, accepting defeat. "How have you been otherwise, then?"

"I’m quite fine. This year's batch of little terrors are almost gone. I'm looking forward to a quiet summer." Hopefully, a warm one as well. The winter had been particularly brutal, so much so that he'd considered moving out of the dungeons for the first time since coming to Hogwarts to teach. As a compromise, he'd taken an apprentice to help with the more grueling aspects of dealing with his students.

Severus focused his attention on Harry. "You know, this really is becoming unnecessary."

"What is?" Harry was playing dumb again. Not that it was hard in his case.

"This," Severus said, waving a hand. It was an old argument. One he had long since stopped wanting to win, but which he persisted in as a matter of form. "I don't need your continued presence to impart some reflected legitimacy to my life."

"I'm rather fond of our dinners out. It gets me out of St. Mungo's for a while. You wouldn't want to deprive me of your company." Harry batted his eyelashes at him.

"I can't see why you still bother with it. It's not as if you get anything out of it, either." Severus made his disdain clear, although he admitted to himself that Harry probably knew it was contrived.

"Well, the truth is…." Harry paused and looked down, no doubt going for the sweet and shy. Something he could no longer pull off with any credibility. "You see…I've developed this mad, passionate crush on you."

"Just recently? What took you so long?" Severus held back a chuckle. At some point, he'd hinted to Harry that there might have been another reason Harry had spent so much time with him. Harry had laughed in his face and teased him about it from then on.

"No, no, not recently. It's been years. Really." Harry smiled innocently and looked at him with wide eyes.

Would that any of it were true, Severus thought, carefully hiding what must never be seen. "Why have you just now declared your intentions? It's been ten years."

"I move slowly," Harry said, clearly still enjoying his joke.

However amusing it had been at first, it was starting to give Severus a sour stomach. No doubt, if it went on much longer it would ruin his mood, which hadn't been all that good to begin with. "At this rate, I'll be dead before you try anything else. Just as well. I'm not interested."

Harry put a hand on his heart and sighed dramatically. "I'm heartbroken. Crushed. I'm sure I won't recover."

"I'm quite sure your latest Weasley will be devastated to learn of this turn of events." Severus was proud of himself. He'd managed to keep all of his bitterness out of his tone.

Harry's face lost all of its amusement.

Oh, bugger. Severus realized he'd managed to say the wrong thing. Not that he cared, of course, but it wouldn't do to have Harry pouting through dinner. "What happened with…George, isn't it?"

"Broke up with me. I think I really hurt him, too." Harry looked like he'd been hurt as well.

Severus didn't care to have the details of that relationship, or any other relationship that Harry'd had. It didn't stop him from asking, though. "If he broke up with you, then why is he hurt?"

"Because I was never going to love him the way he loves me." Harry looked down and played with his fork. "He's been pretty gone on me…well, since he met me."

"Merlin, you were eleven." Severus' memory of Harry at eleven was not at all pleasant. Actually, all of his memories of Harry as a teenager were such that he sometimes wondered how they had managed to ever get beyond it.

"Well, he was what, thirteen." Harry sounded defensive.

It wasn't what Severus had meant, anyway. "It's a very long time to carry a torch for someone."

"I'd like to find someone to love like that." Harry looked away, toward the large fireplace across the room.

Severus shook his head at Harry's wistful tone. He'd never admit it, especially not to Harry, but there was some small part of him that wanted someone to love him like that, too. Not just anyone, either. He immediately shook off the thought. "I'm sure you're not going to accomplish that if you persist in having dinner with me every two weeks."

"Are we on that again?" Harry snapped.

Severus supposed that he had agreed to these dinners in the beginning. But in his own defense, it had been in his best interests to be seen with Harry Potter -- the savior of the Wizarding World -- in public. It had helped his reputation immensely over the years. If there were more to it than that, he wasn't going to question it now. "I'd rather have that than a dissertation on the woes of dating Weasleys."

Harry chuckled. "That's why. You make me laugh."

"I would think that George Weasley would do that a great deal better than I can." But Severus was pleased with the compliment.

"Yeah, he was funny. And nice. And a whole lot of other things." Harry's shoulders slumped.

"Like ambitious?" Severus put in. Both of the twins had always seemed more Slytherin to him than Gryffindor. It was something of a curiosity that the Hat put Weasleys into Gryffindor only, no matter where else they might actually have belonged.

Harry shrugged. "Maybe we should get off this subject. How goes it with the librarian?"

"My love life is not any better than yours. I thought I told you last time, Madeline is leaving at the end of this term and doesn't want to be involved anymore." Severus tried to work up the energy or feelings to miss her or even care that much, and he couldn't. She had been a dalliance while he waited for other…better things. None of which had come his way.

"You didn't mention it," Harry said as if he were annoyed that Severus hadn't.

"I'm sure I must have done. More likely you weren't listening." Severus wasn't sure he'd actually mentioned it. It was possible that he hadn't. It wasn't that important.

"I pay attention." Harry sounded vaguely insulted.

"Only when it serves your purposes."

"All right. So, are you the one who is heartbroken, then?"

"You should know me better than that. It was nice…" And, really, nice was all it was. There were times when he desperately wanted someone to come home to, someone to hold him when it hurt. However, he'd known from the beginning that Madeline was not that person.

"Talk about damning with faint praise. Don't you like women?" Even though Harry's tone was amused, there was a note of something deeper in his voice.

Or perhaps Severus just wanted to believe there was.

"I like them just fine. I simply couldn't make…" Severus sighed. He often wondered how he got into these conversations with Harry, especially since they made him uncomfortable and he was fairly sure they did Harry as well. Yet, here they were, having another one.

"A connection? Yeah, that was me and George."

"And you and Ginevra and you and Charles, as well." Severus found it rather amusing. Harry's antics were so bloody transparent. "Why don't you simply have Molly and Arthur adopt you and be done with it?"

"That's not why," Harry said, sounding far more defensive than was warranted.

Severus didn't bother to suppress his chuckle. "Of course it is. Why else would you have dated three of seven so far? The only reason you didn't date Ronald was, as you've mentioned more than once, he is the straightest man alive. I'm not sure that would have mattered. Bill is married. That really only leaves Fred, whom I understand is nearly as straight as Ronald. Unless you're desperate enough to consider Percy…."

Harry looked green at that and shuddered. "Not Percy. Not if he were the last person on Earth. Besides, it wasn't like that with Charlie. He was just for fun."

"And Miss Weasley?"

"I haven't gone out with Ginny since seventh year. Where did you get Ron from, anyway?"

"I've always wondered what two school boys might have got up to." If there were a Weasley that Harry might have made a go of it with, Severus had always thought it would be *that* Weasley. Of course, he'd rather not think about doing anything with anyone with such obnoxiously red hair.

A look of something…too unlikely to consider flashed across Harry's face, but it was gone just as fast.

"I love the guy dearly, and even if he weren't as straight as you say, it would be like kissing my brother. If I had one. Which now that you mention it, I do. Oh, and, big surprise, it's Ron."

Severus was not sure he believed that denial, but even if Harry did have unresolved feelings for that particular Weasley, it would not matter. Weasley had, quite unsurprisingly, married Granger in a huge wedding spectacle after the war ended. Predictably, they had produced progeny, although fortunately not nearly as many as Weasley's mother had produced. "I think it would be easier to be adopted."

"You know, even now, they would probably do it. Well, once George gets over being angry at me." Harry let out a huge sigh. "And Ron, too."

"You seem more upset about Ronald than George." Which wasn't all that surprising, all things considered.

"Well, yeah. He's angry because he told me not to get involved with George in the first place. I still don't understand exactly what his objections were. He seemed to think I was in love with someone else." Harry's expression was completely perplexed. It was clear he didn't have a clue what Ronald might have been talking about.

"Are you?" Severus steadfastly refused to allow anything other than the blandest sentiment to creep into his voice. But he was very much afraid that he *did* know.

Harry shook his head, his face infinitely sad. "No. That's just it. I was hoping it would work out with George. I'd like to settle down. But no one will have me."

Severus snickered. That tone was too perfect. "You do know how to lay it on, don't you?"

"You're not being very sympathetic." Harry's tone brightened and he smirked.

"If you wanted sympathy, you shouldn't have come to me." There was some tiny unacknowledged part of Severus that was glad he had.

"I guess not." Giving him a mock hurt look, Harry picked up the menu. "Shall we order?"

"I can't believe you don't have it memorized at this point." Severus eyed the menu with disinterest.

"I keep hoping they might have something new."

It amused Severus to hear how hopeful Harry sounded.

"Gryffindor."

* * *

Harry stood watching Severus limp away. His movements were getting slower and more deliberate over time, and that worried Harry.

When he was with Severus, he carefully hid his concern. Severus would see it as pity and eviscerate him. But he owed Severus all the same, more than he was ever going to be able to repay in this lifetime.

"It's unseemly for you to be seen with the likes of him," an older woman with steel gray hair and an ugly scowl on her face hissed at Harry, as Severus went out the door. She had been sitting a few tables away, but had come over to stand beside him when Severus left.

Harry looked down at her. She came only to his shoulder. "I can't see that who I have dinner with is any of your concern."

She clearly didn't recognize the warning in his voice. "He's a Death Eater. He murdered Albus Dumbledore --"

"At Dumbledore's request. More than ten years ago." Harry was so tired of fighting this battle.

"He still did it. He's still a Death Eater. How can you stand his stench?" Her eyes flared with hatred.

Harry bit his tongue. He wondered what gave people the idea they could dictate his life, but then he remembered that they didn't really know or care about him personally. It was all about The Boy Who Lived.

"Listen to me," he said softly, but with the weight of all his authority in his voice. "Severus Snape saved my life and that of Ron Weasley and Hermione Granger, and traded his life to do it. That he survived what they did to him is a miracle. He lives in pain day in and day out because they tortured him for weeks after he helped us escape. You know nothing, nothing at all about him or what he did for us during the war."

"I know plenty. My son died fighting that war, too. It galls me that a traitor still lives."

It was always like that. They needed someone to blame and Severus was a convenient target. And they needed someone to revere and Harry hated that as well. "You may have lost a son, but you're not the only one who lost someone they loved. I lost my parents, my godfather, and so many of my friends that I can't begin to count them. I very nearly lost my life."

"Yet you still defend him?" Some of the animosity had gone out of her tone, but her eyes still blazed.

"To my dying breath. He is the reason we won the war, you silly woman. Where do you think we got our information, if not from someone in Voldemort's inner circle? Were it not for him, we would all be dead, or worse yet, serving Voldemort, and wishing we were dead." Harry's voice had risen with each word until he was shouting at her.

He knew that part of that was his own guilt. Despite all the evidence he'd had, Harry had ignored what Severus was doing to help them for months, simply because he hated him. They had been captured because he'd refused to accept that Severus wasn't a traitor. Dumbledore had told him to trust Severus and Harry should have believed him.

She cringed back, shocked. "That can't be true. It can't be."

"Whether you believe it or not, whether you like it or not, does not make it any less true." Harry lowered his voice. He hated making a scene, and this was not the first or the tenth time he'd made this one. No doubt tomorrow's *Prophet* would carry the story. In less than glowing terms, as well.

She deflated, her shoulders slumping, her manner still angry, but now defeated.

"The war ended years ago. It's time to let it go. The past is gone." Harry put a hand on her shoulder. In spite of the tirade, he was left feeling sorry for her.

"How can you do that? How can you let go? You were the one we all looked up to, the one who saved us all." Clearly, she wanted him to take up the reins of leadership again.

The very thought filled Harry with horror. "I've gone on with my life."

"I've read that you're a healer now."

"Yes. I am. And that's what my life is now. You should move past this, too."

She nodded, tears in her eyes, and then she moved away.

Harry sighed and sat back down at the table, glad Severus had left before this had happened, although he knew Severus would hear about it or read about it. He always did. At least they wouldn't discuss it.

* * *

"Ron took the kids to his parents," Hermione said, her tone carefully neutral. She stepped aside and let Harry in, waving him to the sofa.

Most Sundays, Harry had dinner with Ron and Hermione. They had established the ritual early on to make sure they didn't let life get in the way of their friendship.

"He's still not speaking to me, then?" Harry sighed. He hated it when Ron was angry at him, especially when he deserved it, like he did now.

"No. But he'll cool off. He always does."

Harry was sure he would, but that didn't make him feel any less guilty about the whole situation with George. More than that, it depressed the hell out of him that he couldn't seem to fall in love with anyone. "I know. He's right this time, though. I hurt George."

"You did. You should have known better." She disappeared into the kitchen for a moment and then came back. "Dinner will be in about half an hour."

"I don't know why everyone says that -- that I should have known better. I wanted it to work out with George." He watched her fix him a drink. He hated feeling like he'd done something wrong, or rather, something even more wrong than usual. Maybe it was just that it was George and everyone loved him, too.

She gave him a disbelieving look. "How is Professor Snape doing?" Hermione handed him a drink and sat down beside him.

Taking a hint when it was shoved in his face, Harry said, "He's in a lot of pain. I wish he'd let me talk to him about the procedure I've been working on."

"You mean you haven't yet? I had lunch with Minerva the other day and she told me that he's getting worse. You should say something to him." Hermione's tone was faintly admonishing, which usually annoyed him, but Harry knew she was right this time.

"I know. I just don't want to push too hard." Harry hated to see Severus in such pain, especially knowing there was something he could do about it. He also knew that Severus prided himself on suffering in silence, which annoyed Harry no end. But that was Severus.

She put a hand on his arm. "Are you okay with this?"

Confused by the comforting gesture with seemingly no reason for it, he tilted his head and looked at her. "With what exactly?"

"With what's going on between the two of you?"

Her expression told him he'd missed an important part of the conversation. "What are you asking me?"

"You know what I mean." She straightened her shoulders and glared at him. "I don't know who you think you're fooling with this, Harry. It's not as if it's a secret."

Usually, he could make some sense out of what Hermione said, even if she was being obscure or not saying what she meant. This time, however, he was totally lost. "What are you talking about?"

"I'm talking about Snape. And you."

Severus and him? She said it as though there were something more to it than their being friends. "All right, what did I miss?"

She stared, clearly thinking she could will him to understand. "Why are you thinking about doing this for him in the first place?"

Harry still wasn't sure what she was trying to get at. "Do you want me to admit I don't hate him anymore? News flash. I haven't hated him in years and really, you should know that."

"It's more than that," she said, giving him a rather Severus-like look that made it clear she thought he was being particularly dense. "You've no idea, do you?"

Frustrated, Harry's jaw tightened and he fought not to grind his teeth. "I don't know and I wish you'd just say it."

"How can you not know? Haven't you ever wondered why you've done what you've done for him? I mean, you spent years on the research to fix his joints. You've had dinner with him once a fortnight for ten years. Doesn't that say anything to you?"

Harry was ready to start screaming. "I have dinner with him, almost always in public, I might add, so that he wouldn't be ostracized for his part in Dumbledore's death. You know that, too." Harry didn't mind admitting that after a very short time, he'd started to look forward to those dinners or that he enjoyed Severus' company. That acerbic wit and keen intelligence were a welcome relief from the stress of his research. Nowadays, being with Severus was like a comfortable chair and a good book, relaxing and stimulating at the same time.

Somehow, he didn't think that was what she meant. "Against all odds, Severus and I got to be friends. Good friends, even."

"No. Not just friends." She frowned. "Harry, a year of dinners, maybe even two, would have worked just as well. Why ten years?"

"I enjoy his company. He's actually quite funny." But that still didn't tell him what she was on about. Harry was beginning to run out of patience with this whole conversation. "Tell me."

She looked right at him and raised her eyebrow. Clearly, she was waiting for something more and Harry wracked his brain to figure out what. "Don't you think after all this time, he's really more than a friend?"

The pieces clicked together and Harry got what she was trying to say. He struggled to keep a straight face. "The problem with that is that it's not true."

Hermione's look was completely incredulous. "Of course it is. Anyone can see it. I can't believe you're being this dense."

"I'm not. I know you don't want to believe it, but I'm twenty-eight years old and self-aware enough to know how I feel about someone. You're wrong." Harry could not believe that Hermione, of all people, believed such a thing. He'd always thought she was more perceptive that that. How disappointing to learn that she didn't know him as well as he'd always thought.

"I don't think so, Harry. I think you're missing what's in front of you."

A wave of annoyance passed through him. "Think about what you're saying about me. Don't you think I'd have at least a bit of a clue by now? I'm really *not* that dense."

She looked at him, horrified. "You aren't in love with him? But…but…everything you've done for him over the years."

"We're friends. I like him. I'm not in love with him. I've never thought about him like that." Until that moment, it never even occurred to him. He thought perhaps he should be feeling more horrified by the idea. But it filled him with warmth. Not that he was actually *in love* with Severus.

"But…everyone thinks you've done what you've done because…well…because, you're in love with him."

He couldn't believe that his friends would spend that much time speculating about his love life. But then, he could never believe that strangers wanted to speculate about his life, either. That had been going on most of his life. "Surely not everyone?"

"I haven't talked to anyone except Ron about it, but --"

"Wait, you and Ron talked about me supposedly being in love with Severus? Why should it matter to you?" Harry's voice rose and outrage flooded through him. How dare they jump to that kind of conclusion without even consulting him? "I can't believe you didn't ask me first."

There were two red splotches on her cheeks now. "Think about what you've done for him. You took up a whole course in healing to fix his joints."

"I became a healer because *I* wanted to. It had nothing to do with Severus. I wanted to do something that would help people and not have to kill anyone else while I did it. I worked dammed hard to get into the program I'm in. I didn't do that for Severus, either."

After the war, choosing not to be an Auror had been easy. Finding something else he wanted to do, something meaningful and worthwhile, had taken a lot of soul searching and thought. With everything else going on at the time, he knew he hadn't talked about it that much with them.

"So, you did it for the betterment of wizardkind?" She sounded as if she couldn't believe that Harry could have any higher goals in life.

"I did it because I was interested in it. It's fascinating to be able to work on a new procedure that is going to help people." Okay, so maybe that wasn't the only reason Harry had chosen it, but it wasn't because he was in love with Severus. Even if he was very glad it was going to help the stubborn bat, if or when Severus agreed to allow it.

Hermione met his eyes. "I can't believe what you're saying."

"I don't see why you're insisting. Really, Hermione. I'm not. You're going to have to take my word on this."

Hermione sighed, but she seemed at least a bit more convinced. "Okay. I'm sorry."

"Who else besides Ron knows or thinks they know this?" Harry had that sinking feeling in his stomach again. The one that he always got when something was about to go badly wrong.

"I don't know who for sure, but it's been pretty much accepted amongst your friends for years. We all kind of assumed…sooner or later…." She wasn't looking at him.

"Nice of someone to mention it to me. That doesn't say much about your opinion of me, does it?" Harry had a horrible thought. "Does this include Severus, too?"

"He's been having dinner with you for the last ten years. The chances are that he has wondered why you've been doing it, too."

Harry knew Severus. "Maybe, maybe not. The only reason he came to dinner, especially in the beginning, was because it was in his best interest to do so. There is no love, hell, probably very little liking, involved." As much as he told himself that it didn't bother him, that it didn't matter what Severus thought, he knew he was lying. He cared.

She laughed again. "You don't know that."

"Stop already. I am never going to let Ron hear the end of this. Of course, he'll have to start talking to me again, before I can torment him." He meant it to be teasing, but it came out harsher than he would have liked.

"Speaking of Ron," Hermione said, and her voice was suddenly a bit too serious. "Why do you think he is so angry about George?"

"It's not just because I hurt George, is it?" Harry hadn't liked this conversation to begin with and now he liked it even less.

"It was more than that." Hermione's tone said what it was.

It surprised him how much that hurt. Harry had to take a deep breath before he could even attempt to speak. "I would never use George like that. Ever."

"I know that --"

"Ron thinks I used George because I wouldn't acknowledge what I was feeling for Severus?" Harry couldn't believe that Ron would think so poorly of him. That Ron jumped to conclusions and held onto them in typical Gryffindor fashion shouldn't bother him anymore. It was just Ron and for all that he'd got older, he hadn't changed that much.

Hermione wouldn't look at him. "George thinks it, too."

Didn't they know him at all? Harry sighed. This was really so typical of all of them. "What made him…you think I was even capable of that? It wouldn't even have occurred to me."

"Look at it from our point of view." Hermione didn't sound like she believed what she was saying anymore.

It sounded like an excuse to him. "Which we've already established was completely wrong. How -- how can you think that about me and him?" Harry stood. "I should probably go."

"No, Harry. Wait. I'm sorry. We didn't mean to…."

"Yes, you did." He glared at her, knowing he couldn't hide what he was feeling. And really, he didn't want to. They had been friends a long time, too long for this.

Her eyes filled. "I…we…just never thought you'd not be in love with him. Or that you didn't know it…at least on some level. We've seen you go from relationship to relationship, and continue with Professor Snape…" she trailed off, her face red.

"You're digging yourself in deeper and deeper with this." But Harry could feel his anger tapering off. He'd never been able to stay angry at her, especially when she looked contrite.

"I'm sorry. Really. You're right, we should have known better."

"At the very least, you should have asked," Harry agreed. "I mean, really. Severus is so…ugh."

She looked up at that, surprised. "You of all people should know better than to judge people on their looks."

When he thought about it, surprisingly, Harry didn't think of Severus as being an ugly git anymore. True, he'd never be attractive in any way, but he wasn't horrid, either. He was Harry's friend and that did make all the difference in the world. "It's not his looks at all. He's got the whole mean bastard personality down pat. I just can't imagine…."

"Oh, his looks are fairly…" She paused and he could tell she was looking for something nice to say. "Let's just say that he's not aged well."

Harry hated it when people disparaged Severus' at all. And no, he wasn't going to consider why it bothered him. "That's not fair. He's spent years in debilitating pain. It wears on a person."

"I'm sure it does." She had a small smile on her face.

Harry was going to ignore that, too. "Listen I want you to set Ron straight, or maybe I should do it. Yeah, I'm going to have a conversation with him about this very soon." Harry planned to call him as soon as he could find the time. He expected an apology from Ron, too.

"What about you and Snape?"

"What about us? I'm supposed to have dinner with him next week." When he told Severus about this, Harry knew that he was going to get a huge laugh out of it. He could hardly wait.

Hermione nodded and a buzzer in the kitchen rang, cutting off further conversation. Harry sighed in relief as she got up to deal with it.

* * *

Harry knocked on Severus' door, trying to tamp down his concern. He'd had a note from him earlier in the day, saying that he felt like cooking and inviting Harry to join him. Although they usually met in public, when Severus wasn't feeling well, they met in his quarters. Unfortunately, that was happening more and more frequently.

Severus opened the door to his knock, standing aside to let him in. "Potter."

"You could have cancelled if you weren't feeling well," Harry said taking in Severus' gray face and the tight line of his lips. Harry's concern went up a notch.

"I would have, but…." Severus shrugged and waved him to the sofa.

They had, by some unspoken policy, rarely cancelled. In ten years, Harry could only remember a handful of times when it had been necessary.

Harry sat back on the sofa and watched Severus slowly lower himself into the chair by the fire, breathing in sharply as his body connected with the soft leather. "The elves will bring dinner in a bit."

"Good. As much as I like your cooking, you don't look like you'd have the energy to do much of anything." Harry carefully controlled his tone. Any sign of sympathy would be treated as an affront.

"Thank you so much for that glowing assessment. I'm sure it will make me feel ever so much better. Besides, why would I cook for you?" The grousing was tight and forced. Severus' lips straightened further into a pained line.

It was all Harry could do not to jump and order a potion from St. Mungos' to help him. Only knowing how badly that would go over with Severus stopped him. "You know you like to cook. You've made dinner for my birthday the last couple of years." Sadly, Harry was sure he wasn't going to be able to manage it this year.

"Those were momentary lapses, not to be repeated."

"Until the thirty-first of July." Hiding his increasing concern, Harry smirked at him. Severus had outdone himself last year, making Harry's favorite, roast glazed duck with all the trimmings. Harry had left feeling like he might never eat again.

Severus scowled at him. "You should be so lucky."

"I will be."

Severus didn't argue with that. It occurred to Harry that he knew Severus well enough to speak without thinking. That his relationship with Severus was, if not ever easy, certainly it was comfortable.

Focusing on Severus, Harry saw the sweat pooled on his upper lip and the glassy look in his eyes. Already concerned, Harry knew he was going to have to say something before the need to do something drove him mad. "Is there something I can get you for the pain?

Severus shook his head, scowling. At least, that was what Harry thought he was trying for.

"I don't need you for that. Besides which, I've already taken something," Severus said without inflection. He was still trying to pass it off as nothing but the usual discomfort.

Harry was having none of that. He didn't want to evoke Severus' wrath, but it was clear that something had to be done. "It doesn't look like it's working very well, does it? I have several potions that I can have sent here --"

"Potter, stop. The potion should kick in shortly. Give me a couple of moments of quiet." Even as he said it, whatever Severus had taken was starting to work. Closing his eyes, Severus took a deep breath, already starting to look better.

"I just want to help you," Harry said when Severus opened his eyes again. He was relieved that Severus was no longer in such pain, but there was always the underlying tension in his face that said the pain was never completely gone. That worried Harry, too. Without a proper exam he couldn't tell how serious the problem was.

"I don't need it." There was little force behind the words, but Severus' look was sour.

Responding in kind, because it was expected, Harry huffed, "Fine. See if I offer it again."

"Don't even bother to pout at me. We both know you will be as meddlesome as possible when it suits your fancy to be so." There was ever so slight a note of amusement in Severus' tone.

So what if he were right, Harry thought. "Bastard."

That made Severus laugh. "Yes. It has taken you some time to realize that, hasn't it? But, then, you never were very bright."

The insult pleased Harry on several levels. Mostly, it meant that Severus was starting to feel, if not good, then better. "Clearly not. I'm friends with you, aren't I?"

"You know where the door is."

"So do you." With a relieved laugh, Harry sat back and crossed his ankle over his knee.

"I live here." Severus smirked at him. "Fire call for dinner, would you?"

Harry threw some powder into the fire and spoke to Dobby. Dinner arrived in short order.

"So, have you decided to return to your present Weasley, or have you petitioned Molly and Arthur for adoption?" Severus' tone was six kinds of sarcastic.

Harry sighed. It was unfortunate that he hadn't had time to talk to Ron yet. "Neither. But on that subject, Last week, I had the most fascinating conversation with Hermione."

Severus raised an eyebrow. "Do tell."

"Seems the reason that everyone is so angry with me about George isn't that I hurt him so much." Harry deliberately trailed off. He knew Severus was going to find this amusing, and he wanted to stretch out the joke.

"Oh?" Severus asked; his voice filled with anticipation. He had to know what was coming.

"They're angry because everyone was so sure I was in love with someone else, and just using George to deny it." Harry smiled with glee; this was going to be so good.

"I take it that's not true?" There was a note of something in Severus' voice now that was a bit wary, but Harry couldn't imagine what it might be.

And he wanted to get to the punch-line. "No. And do you know what the best part is?"

"I can't wait."

Severus' tone should have been more conspiratorial. Harry wondered if he weren't in pain again. But he wasn't as gray as he'd been. "The person I'm supposed to be in love with…wait for it…. is *you*." Harry expected laughter or at least a snort. Severus looked a little sick. The fun went out of his joke. "Are you okay? The pain hasn't returned?"

"I'm fine." For the briefest second, there was something on Severus' face that looked like hurt, but it was gone quickly, leaving him looking oddly blank.

Something about the whole thing clicked in Harry's mind and he spoke without thinking. "You're in love with me, aren't you?"

"Don't be absurd! Why would you even think that?" Severus said, much too quickly, and much too harshly.

Sweet Merlin, it was true.

All the air left Harry's lungs. For a moment, he felt completely disoriented, as if the world had tilted on its axis. Closing his eyes, Harry worked at keeping all expression off his face. "I don't think that. Of course, I don't." But it was clear to Harry, and that meant to Severus, as well, neither of them believed either statement.

"I think it's time for you to leave." Severus stood, leaving his meal half-eaten. He picked up his cane and moved slowly, painfully away from the table, not looking at Harry.

Frozen in disbelief, his heart still racing, Harry stayed where he was, afraid to move. He couldn't believe this was happening. "Uh. No. I'm not going to leave. Not yet. I mean, everyone thought it…so, I guess…you know…" Harry trailed off. There was nothing he could say that wouldn't sound lame or trite. He'd probably said too much already.

Severus looked at him with reproach in his eyes. But more than that, it was the first time Harry had ever seen him look defeated. Even when he'd let them out of the cell in Voldemort's castle and was facing a certain and horrible death, Severus hadn't looked like this. It tore a hole in Harry's heart and he could not, would not, leave things like that.

"Don't make it worse than it is. Just go. We'll forget this ever happened." Severus' voice was hoarse and tight.

"You'll come to dinner in two weeks? Like nothing ever happened?" Harry just wanted to forget the last five minutes. Where was a time-turner when he needed one? He wasn't sure he could wait two weeks, but he didn't want to push too hard. This had already gone wrong. He was afraid of how much worse it could get.

"I think, given everything, that would not be a wise idea." The finality in Severus' tone was total and Harry felt it like a curse directly to his chest.

It couldn't end like this. Frantic, Harry stood up. He wasn't sure what to say, but he knew he couldn't leave. He looked at Severus, meeting his eyes, hoping he could stop what seemed to be happening. "I value your friendship. I do. I don't want to lose it or you."

Severus turned away from Harry, his back stiff and straight. "I'm sorry," he said quietly.

"You've never said that to me before." Not ever, no matter what foul, horrible thing he'd said or done, Severus never apologized. That he did now scared Harry. His hands started to shake.

"There is nothing either of us can do about this." If it were possible, Severus sounded even more defeated.

It sent a spike of fear into Harry's gut. He had to find a way to fix this. "I'll do anything to make this right."

It couldn't end like this. Harry had always been aware, at least peripherally, of the increasing value of his friendship with Severus, but he was just now realizing what that might mean.

"You can't force feelings that aren't there." Severus' voice was quiet, soft. But Harry could hear the hurt in the words. He wished with all his heart that he could do something about it.

Harry's eyes started to sting and for a moment he was terrified that he might humiliate himself. As much as it surprised him to realize it, his life would be very bleak without his dinners with Severus. Whatever else happened in his life, Severus was one of the constants he depended upon. "Please. I…"

A hard look came over Severus' face, and he cleared his throat. "Despite what you might think, the world does not revolve around what you want."

He looked up at Severus. ""But…but…it doesn't have to be this way."

Severus shook his head, and his expression changed. He moved towards Harry, and kept coming until Harry stepped back, and then again. Severus wasn't moving fast and Harry could easily have moved out of his way. He allowed himself to be crowded against the wall, shivering at the grim determination in Severus' eyes.

Severus pressed against Harry, leaning down to kiss him full on the mouth.

Shock held Harry still for one second, and then he opened his mouth, letting Severus' invading tongue in. Groaning into the kiss, he closed his eyes. He'd never thought about kissing Severus, but if he had, he wouldn't have expected it to be so soft, or so warm or so bloody good. Severus' mouth intrigued him. His lips were firm and commanding as they moved over Harry's, oh so perfectly.

Delighted by the turn of events, Harry brought his hands up, one gripping the back of Severus' neck and the other sliding around his waist.

Warmth and a feeling of rightness sluiced over him. Harry gave himself up to it. Damn, Severus felt so good in his arms. Why had he never considered this before? Clearly, he should have done.

When Severus would have pulled back, Harry held him tighter, not ready to let him go yet. Unbelievably, Severus obliged him, allowing him access, allowing him to taste and explore. Merlin, he tasted so good. Kissing Severus was like coming home to a warm hearth on a wintery day. Harry wanted to go on savoring him for as long as he could. Forever. Maybe. Harry honestly didn't know, and frankly, in that moment, nothing mattered but continuing to kiss Severus.

Then, there was no thought left. All he wanted was more.

Severus pulled back. "Stop."

"Or not." Harry didn't want to stop yet. What he wanted was to lay Severus down on the floor and fuck him until they were both screaming with pleasure.

"No." There was no give in Severus' tone.

Harry opened his eyes. "Why not?"

"It would be meaningless to you." The bitterness spoke volumes about how Severus felt.

"Because I don't love you?" He knew the answer and some part of him knew that Severus was right. His throbbing prick disagreed, and his heart felt cracked wide open. Maybe, it *was* time to stop. For now, anyway. "I want you to kiss me again."

"Why?"

Whatever this was, there was more going on here than just lust, that much Harry did know. Anything more was anyone's guess. "Because that was fantastic."

With a look of disappointment on his face, Severus sighed. "It has to be more than that."

Harry wanted to say that it didn't have to be, but he knew instinctively that Severus would not find that an acceptable answer, and there was some part of him that agreed. "Okay. Maybe we should work at making it more."

Something that might have been hope flared in Severus' eyes, but it was gone just as quickly, as if it hadn't ever been there. "After all this time, I'm sure it's not possible."

"You don't know that." Harry wanted to believe in the possibilities. Once he'd thought of them, at least. He wondered again why this possibility had never occurred to him before now.

"I am not about to risk it." Severus' expression was cold, and closed off, reminding Harry of earlier times, when they'd been enemies.

Those times were long gone, and it was completely unacceptable to Harry that Severus would fall back on them. "Everything in life is a risk. How could this be more of one?"

Severus sneered, bitter and ugly. "Don't be an idiot. Oh, wait, that's all you can possibly be --"

"Insulting my intelligence is counter-productive here." Usually, Harry loved to spar with Severus, even if he rarely won. Now, now, it was time for them to be serious. This was too damned important to let it get lost in Severus' insecurities, or his own for that matter.

"But I enjoy it so much." As unlikely as it was, there was a definite pout in Severus' tone, which meant that Severus was trying to distract him.

Harry wasn't about to let him do it, either. "I'm sure you do, but now isn't the time."

"Pity," Severus muttered, clearly not ready to let it go.

"If you feel like this about me, why aren't you nicer to me?" Not that Harry really expected it. Severus wasn't nice or sweet or any of the other things his previous lovers had been.

"Why should I be? After all, I thought you--" Severus cut himself off.

Harry couldn't help but smile. "Loved you in spite of it? I would have --"

"If you did, but you don't, so it doesn't matter."

Harry wished that he *could* feel that way for Severus. Maybe if they tried. He looked at Severus, trying to see him as a lover. It wasn't as hard as Harry would have imagined it would be. "Except that it does matter. To me. You mean a great deal to me. We could, I don't know, maybe try?"

Severus shook his head sadly. "No. Given your abysmal track record, I'm quite sure it would end in disaster."

The words stabbed at Harry. He resolved not to let Severus go. Not easily. Maybe not at all. "How can never seeing me again be worse than trying to see if I can develop feelings for you?"

"You never have with anyone else. What gives you the idea that you could now with me?" Severus met his eyes and while the defeat was gone, there was no hope in his expression, either.

"You're a smart wizard, maybe you can figure out what they did wrong." Harry hoped that giving Severus a challenge would spur him on. It scared the bloody hell out of Harry that he might not be able to convince him.

A gleam of speculation lit Severus' eyes. "I'm sure your lovers all coddled you, shamefully."

Harry laughed. Now that he thought about it, he wasn't so sure Severus was wrong. "They mostly did. They were all so nice and sweet and light. I was never sure I wasn't going to taint them just by touching them."

"Just as I suspected. You needn't worry about that with me. As you know quite well, I'm none of those things. And I won't make this easy for you."

No surprise there, Harry thought without rancor. The truth was that Harry didn't mind at all. Working for something made it all the more meaningful. "I know that going in, so I'm not likely to be too disappointed when you don't say nice things to me."

Severus was silent for a moment. Without warning, he leaned forward and kissed Harry again. Closing his eyes and leaning in, Harry responded wholeheartedly. It was every bit as good as it had been before. No, better. He groaned softly as Severus' tongue made wet contact with his. A shiver of pure joy went through him and that warm feeling settled into his chest again. Merlin, Severus felt so damned good.

He swirled his tongue around Severus', pressing in just a little harder. His hands had a will of their own. One tangled itself in Severus' hair and the other slid down his back to grope Severus' arse. Harry was delighted when Severus pushed back into his hands, moaning softly.

With a groan, he pressed into Severus as heated pleasure suffused him.

An answering hardness pressed into his hip. Harry reached down to stroke it. For a second, Severus canted his hips into Harry's hand. Then, disappointingly, Severus pulled back.

"Not yet," Severus said, putting a few inches between them.

Harry wanted to argue, but realized that giving in might be better, at least for now. He pulled back a little. "Okay."

Severus' look turned suspicious. "Are you actually going to obey me?"

He was pretty sure he'd do anything Severus wanted at this point. And he was pretty sure that Severus knew it, too. "In this, at least. I can't promise about anything else. As you've pointed out more than once, I don't take orders well. But I don't want to push you into something you don't want."

"Shouldn't I be the one telling you that?" Severus' eyes narrowed further, considering him. Then he smiled that cat-got-the-canary smile.

As far as Harry was concerned, that was fine. He wanted Severus to think he had the upper hand. Anything to make him continue long enough, so that Harry could fall in love. Or realize that he wasn't going to. That he might not come to love Severus filled Harry with more dismay than the thought of Severus walking out. "I'm not the one who was going to walk away."

Severus snorted. "Right, then. I think we should have dinner more frequently."

"Excellent," Harry said, pleased. They were finally moving in the right direction. Not that he expected it to continue smoothly. "How often can you get away from school?"

The light in Severus' eyes dimmed a bit. "Unfortunately, not often enough. However, summer is coming."

"What, another three weeks?" As soon as school was out, Harry would begin his campaign in earnest. The thought filled him with happy anticipation. Interestingly enough, this excited him more than anything else had since he'd decided to become a healer.

"I do not wish to wait that long to see you again." Severus' tone was cautious, as if he weren't sure he wanted to admit that, but hadn't quite been able to stop himself.

Thrilled, Harry grinned. "Me, either. Shall we try for next week?"

"Acceptable." Severus smiled down at him a moment before he leaned in to kiss Harry again.

"Tease," Harry said against his mouth. He slid a hand back into Severus' hair. Surprisingly, it wasn't as greasy to touch as it looked.

"You need to learn some patience."

That was easy for Severus to say. He'd been waiting a bit already.

* * *

Ron's expression was wary as he slid into the booth opposite Harry. They met at what passed for their local, a pub between St. Mungo's and Ron's Auror offices. It was dark and cool inside and each of the booths had a silencing charm on them so that conversations could not be overheard.

It had been a long day and Harry was dead tired, but he knew that Ron and he needed to lay their cards on the table. The silence between them had gone on for too long already.

"Harry. You wanted to talk?" Ron said and then stopped, looking at him, waiting for something.

Harry wasn't sure where to even start. Things had changed since his talk with Hermione and it had only served to confused him more. But that didn't change the fact that, "I was surprised that you thought I was capable of using George…or anyone to deny my feelings for…someone else."

Ron looked down, and then back at him. "That's what it seemed like. I'm sorry, but…"

"I know you misunderstood my friendship with Severus. But you should know me well enough to know that I would never hurt anyone on purpose." That, Harry supposed was the one thing that hurt the worst about all of this.

"I'm not sure we really thought you did it on purpose." Ron shook his head, a faint redness stretching across his face. "I just can't believe it's not true."

"It's either that or you thought I was too stupid to know my own mind, my own feelings. I think that's worse." He was still annoyed that Ron had jumped to that particular conclusion, which was totally wrong, and not very flattering, either. He went over it and over it in his mind, and even though he *might* have something more with Severus now, it didn't mean that there had been more before last week.

"Blimy Harry, just look at how long it's been going on. I can't believe you didn't even think of it." Ron's tone still held his incredulousness.

Harry was aware of how long it had been. It didn't matter. "If I've never considered it before then, no matter how long we've been friends doesn't matter. It's not like we're dating."

"What would you call it, then? No one else has been able to get close to you since you started with him." Ron sounded irritated, as if Harry were doing this on purpose to be dense or contrary.

He wasn't. "I call it being friends with him. I think you need to remember just how long it took for Severus and me to even become friends. There was a lot of bad feelings and unpleasantness between us. We needed a lot of time to get beyond that."

After school and all the hatred and misunderstanding they'd had, not to mention the general cruelty of Professor Snape, it was hard to imagine how much they both had changed to become friends. Looking back at what had been, Harry could barely conceive of it, and he had experienced the change first-hand.

Ron clearly he wasn't ready to concede that he'd misjudged the situation. "But you have been friends for years at this point."

"We have. But truly, until Hermione said what she'd said about being in love with Severus, I hadn't considered it. At all." He looked right at Ron, meeting his eyes. "But you know what? If I felt that way about Severus, or anyone, I'd be thrilled. I'd be thankful. I've spent most of my life looking --" For someone to love him that he could love in return. But he stopped before he said the rest of it. He knew that Ron knew what he meant, and there was no use in belaboring the point.

"Even Snape," Ron asked, but he looked somewhat abashed.

"Especially him. God, Ron, I know Severus really well. I like him. More and more as time goes along. Being with him is…I don't know, comfortable." Harry could not begin to express the complex emotions Severus engendered in him, but he was sure that in-love, romantic love, wasn't one of them. Not yet, anyway.

"But…but…if you feel that way, how can you not? I don't understand how you could have missed that?"

"Missed what? That I liked him. That it might be more than that?" Harry had no idea why everyone thought that. "Just because you're friends with someone doesn't necessarily mean that you're going to fall in love with them."

"You've talked about him for years," Ron said, looking as if he still didn't understand what Harry was trying to say to him.

"I *like* spending time with him. He and I are good friends." It was very frustrating not being able to get through to Ron about this. He wondered what else he could say.

"You don't talk about me or Hermione like that," Ron pointed out.

"It's different. You and Hermione are my closest friends. We have a long, shared history. We know one another." Harry didn't have to talk to them about every little thing. Much was simply a given between the three of them. With Severus, it *was* different. There was still a need to discuss details with him, even when it wasn't comfortable.

"But you don't talk about Neville and Ginny, or Seamus, or Dean, either. You don't even talk about your work as much as you talk about him." The surprising thing was that Ron didn't seem to resent it.

Harry looked down at the table, half-hoping for an answer that would explain it to Ron, but nothing brilliant came to mind. "The thing is I'm not in love with him. Honestly."

"It's just that…I don't know. I mean, I'm trying to wrap my mind around this and I'm not getting there."

Harry sighed, still frustrated. He loved Ron dearly, but sometimes he simply could not make him see what Harry wanted him to see. "I care deeply for Severus. And after Hermione mentioned it, I did, am thinking about the possibility."

Ron looked up at that, surprise written all over his face. "I thought you just said that you weren't --"

"I'm not. I feel a lot of complex things for him. I'm hoping to discover what they are." Harry couldn't hold back a smile. "I'd like for Severus and I to discover what we might be to each other."

Ron snorted. "I can't see Snape agreeing to that. Not in a million years."

Harry wasn't sure he should tell Ron. Severus would probably do his nut when he found out, but he'd never been good at keeping things from either Ron or Hermione. And when he had managed it, he'd always regretted it. "Um…well… it seems that he has feelings for me."

Ron's eyes widened. "Bloody Hell." He took a breath and shook his head. "I should have guessed that. I mean, he's been going along with this for years."

"I've always thought he went along with it because it was in his best interest to do so." It had been. The times then were hard. The Ministry and their search for scapegoats had infuriated everyone and ultimately cost Scrimgeour his job. "You know he was barely cleared of Dumbledore's murder, and he’d done so much for our side. The press and everyone else would have made a pariah out of him, if I hadn't stepped in. No one who'd done as much as he did deserved that."

"You realized that at eighteen?" Ron's tone made it sound like he'd never have thought of that, at that age. Harry had to agree.

"By that point, there was nothing left of the child I had been. I felt -- and was told by everyone as well -- that I had to act like an adult. Besides, I was so personally grateful to him for what he'd done for us that I couldn't let that happen." Harry had done what had to be done, even when he'd hated it. Looking back on it now, he knew it had been the right thing without question. At the time, he'd been acting on pure instinct. As it turned out, it was one of his smartest moves ever.

"It's hard to hate someone who has traded his life for yours. I mean, for all that, he is and was a git, we would have died there without him." Ron's expression was neutral, but Harry knew he was every bit as grateful as Harry was himself.

Severus' sacrifice had opened Harry's eyes. It had let him understand who and what Severus was. At eighteen, he'd done what he felt was right, disregarding how he felt about Severus personally. At twenty-eight, he could see both sides of why Severus was the way he was and understanding made all the difference. "Yes. So, that was why, and then it just escalated. He was pretty hostile, if you remember."

"But he came to dinner every single time." Ron's tone said clearly that he didn't understand why Severus would have done that.

"He did." Harry took a long pull of his drink and set the glass down with a sigh.

"What do you plan to do?" Ron asked, after the silence had stretched between them for a while.

"I'm going to let him court me."

"Court you? Like everyone else in the Wizarding World has tried to do for years? Without any success I might add." Ron had an edge to his voice that hadn't been there before.

"I can only hope that *this* time it will work out the way it's supposed to." The prospect that it might not work filled Harry with dread. While it would never be easy, Harry hoped it would be worth the effort.

"Do you think it can work *this* time?" Ron's expression was doubtful and clearly, he didn't believe it would.

That made Harry sad. "I have to believe it. Severus is already my friend. I think that will make a huge difference."

"George was your friend, too."

"I know he was. What I don't get is why he bothered to go out with me in the first place." Harry had liked George a lot. Still did for that matter. As depressing as it was to admit, there had never been a spark. He could see that now.

"Because he's been in love with you for most of his life." Ron sounded sad for his brother.

Harry hated that he meant that much to someone he couldn't respond to. He'd wanted to. It hurt just to think about what George must be going through; to know that the one person you loved didn't love you back, had to be devastating. How much worse it must be than to not have found anyone at all, but still have some hope.

"I don't understand the fascination he has with me. Remember what I was like at eleven?" Harry shuddered. He hated to think about how young and grateful he'd been when he'd first come to Hogwarts.

Ron laughed. "Actually, you were kind of cute in that waif-like way."

"So says the straightest man in the Wizarding World." But Harry laughed, too. It was something of a joke between them.

"He saw something the rest of us didn't. I mean, I loved you, too, but not like that."

"I don't know what anyone else sees in me. I think I'm emotionally stunted or something." Harry wished he could have responded to any of the people who loved him over the years. He hated being alone. Too many mornings, he'd woken up feeling empty, especially after sex.

Now, he had a bit of hope. It changed his whole outlook.

Ron cleared his throat and had that look on his face that said he had more to say on the subject. "Have you really thought about a relationship with Snape will entail. He's difficult…and dark."

"I know that. I don't expect it to be easy by any means." No, easy would never be a word that Harry would associate with Severus. Knowing that at the start was going to make things a bit smoother, if not easier.

"Then why bother? I mean, you could have anyone. Surely, you want someone who isn't so…difficult." Surprisingly, Ron didn't sound disparaging, well not awfully so. If anything, he seemed concerned.

Harry appreciated that, he really did, but Ron had to understand the whole truth of it. "I think maybe that's what I've been looking for all this time, someone light with no blemishes on their soul."

"That makes sense to me." Of course it would. Ron was of the light himself.

Harry, on the other hand, felt the darkness to the depth of his being. "The trouble is that *I'm* not totally of the light."

Ron's eyes flashed with indignation. "What are you talking about? Of course you are."

"I appreciate your loyalty, but…I've killed. Killed with premeditation and forethought." Harry held up a hand to stop Ron's next outburst. "Yes, I know he needed to die, and that I was the one who had to kill him. That doesn't change the fact that it left an indelible black mark on my soul."

All the protests in the world wouldn't change that one fact. Much as Harry wished it would. It hurt him even now to think about whom he'd killed -- even Voldemort whom he'd had no choice about killing -- it still preyed upon his nightmares.

Ron looked down at his drink, his expression troubled. "So Snape's darkness calls to you?"

"I don't know. Something feels right with Severus that hasn't been there before. I wish I knew that it would all work out." Harry's worst fears were that it wouldn't work with Severus and he'd be left with no hope at all. That he'd end up bitter and alone.

"I don't think it works that way, mate. You have to do the work. You have to take a chance." Ron glanced at him. "Are you sure you want to have a relationship with him?"

"I have to say the thought of spending more time with him appeals to me." More than appeals, Harry admitted to himself. He was looking forward to it with relish.

"Do you mean dinner once a week or do you mean, something like living with him?" Ron didn't make it sound as if it were something he hoped Harry wouldn't want to do.

"I'm not adverse to the idea of dinner, or spending time with him. As for living together," Harry paused and then shrugged. The idea held some appeal, but he was sure that Severus would be hell to live with. "I just don't know about more than that, emotionally."

Ron met his eyes and Harry could see what he was thinking from his expression.

"I know I'm the wrong person to say, but the way he looks would be such a huge hurdle for me." At least Ron smiled as he said it. That took some of the sting out.

Harry had to admit that he'd thought of that more than once since their shared kisses. "His looks don't bother me. I mean, yeah, he's pretty ugly, but when I'm with him, it doesn't matter so much."

"Would you want to kiss him? I mean for real. Or anything else?" Ron's over-dramatic shudder was comical rather than malicious.

Harry smiled at the memory of Severus' kisses. It made him feel warm inside. "I have kissed him." Harry waited for Ron to look up. "It was spectacular."

Ron didn't blink, nor was there a smirk or laughter. He simply nodded, his expression accepting. "Then you have your answer. Although, I am not sure I wanted that visual image in my mind. Have you…."

"No. He takes one step forward and then several hundred backward." Harry was disappointed that things weren't moving faster. In reality, he supposed he knew that they both needed some time to adjust. It *was* a change.

"When he can walk."

"That's a problem, too. I wish he'd let me help him." There were times when Harry fantasized about forcing Severus to listen to him about the advances they'd made. But if he didn't do it willingly, it wouldn't matter. Harry let out a frustrated sigh.

Ron chuckled, but his expression was sympathetic. "He's too bloody proud by half."

"But I could --"

"That's one of those things you can't force."

"Yeah," Harry said, dejected. Damn, Severus' pride to hell.

"So, do you think he's actually going to court you? Because I'm not sure I see him doing that."

As much as that was what Harry wanted, he knew that what Severus might do was another matter. "I think he wants to run away and bury his head in the sand."

"Got to admit that your track record is not very good." Ron's tone had a slightly chiding note in it.

That should have annoyed Harry no end, but he knew it was true, even if he wished that it weren't. "If it were going to be anyone, I believe it would be him."

"Are you sure? I wouldn't want to try to talk you out of anything, but I think you could destroy him."

"I won't." Harry had to believe that. He had to believe it would work out. Anything less at this point would be unacceptable.

Ron just looked at him and took another sip of his drink. "I hope not."

* * *

Harry sat at their usual table, playing with his fork, and waiting for Severus to show up. He was late. The thing was, Severus was never late. If something came up, and it had, a few times over the years, Severus always sent word, even in the early days when he was actively hostile to their meetings. That he hadn't now, filled Harry with a sense of foreboding.

He saw a school owl make its way towards him and he sighed in relief. The note was from Headmistress McGonagall. Severus was in the infirmary. She asked that Harry come up to the school, but gave no other details. His momentary relief turned into greater concern. What had Severus done to himself? He stood and tossed a few galleons on the table.

As Harry moved along the familiar paths towards Hogwarts, not seeing anything, it was all he could do to keep himself from breaking into a run.

"Harry. It's good to see you," McGonagall said as he hurried into the main hall. She looked the same as she always did, straight backed and with a stern expression. There was no more gray in her hair now than when he'd been a student.

"And you. How is Severus?" Harry could hear the fear in his voice and was sure McGonagall could hear it, too.

Her eyes were filled with compassion. "Not that well, I'm afraid."

Dread clenched at him, and for a second, Harry fought to breathe. He pushed past it, trying for a professional demeanor. "Can you tell me what happened?"

"We are not sure exactly. He didn't show up for his first class this morning. I found him in bed, in more pain than he'd been in before."

Harry tried again to ignore the panic that wanted to rise inside him. He knew he would do no one any good having hysterics. So he took a breath and squared his shoulders, hoping McGonagall would ignore his slip. "I'd like to see him. I think I can help."

McGonagall met his gaze. She'd seen his reaction, but fortunately was going to let it go without comment. "You can see him, of course. But you know as well as I do that he would not want you involved."

"I've tried to respect his wishes, but he's being a ridiculously mulish prat about this, and we both know it." Harry wanted to rail against Severus' stubbornness. It frustrated the bloody hell out of him.

McGonagall nodded, a smile tugging at her mouth. "It is likely that he knows it, too. He's always tried to --"

"Protect me in his own cruel way." That Harry could say it now without pain or anger was a testament to how far they had both come, but it didn't stop Harry from wanting to smack Severus on the head for being so obstinate.

"Too right." McGonagall didn't bother to hide her amusement.

Part of Harry was amused, too. However, Severus was unlikely to change, and Harry wasn't even sure he wanted him to. "I can help him. I know I can."

"Given the reports on your progress I occasionally get, I believe that you can." She sighed. "The trick will be to convince him of that."

"And convincing Severus of anything is a chore in itself." There was no more of a stubborn bat in the world than Severus Snape.

"I don't envy you the task," McGonagall said with a laugh.

* * *

Severus lay on a bed in the infirmary, asleep. Harry looked down at him and sighed. It broke his heart to see Severus looking so terrible. There were dark circles under the crescents of his black lashes, and his skin tone was grayer than Harry had ever seen it. Some part of Harry wanted to hold him and make his pain go away. Restraining a wry smile at his own absurdity, Harry turned his focus back to Poppy and McGonagall. "What have you given him?"

For a moment, it appeared as though Poppy might not answer him. Then she sighed. "A pain potion to help him sleep. He wants nothing more."

That wasn't a surprise, really. It was the standard treatment for degenerating joints. Harry ran a diagnostic spell over Severus. The joint damage was much more extensive than he'd realized. It saddened him to think of Severus in such pain. On the heels of that came annoyance that Severus had been too proud to say anything to him. "Blithering fool," he muttered.

Poppy laughed, humorlessly. "You sound like him."

"He's disintegrating before my eyes and doing nothing about it." Harry tried to keep his anger out of his tone, but knew by the look on both women's faces that he'd failed rather miserably.

"There is little that can be done. The joints can't be restored magically," Poppy said, sounding defeated.

"Can't you simply regrow them?" McGonagall asked, her expression quite puzzled.

Both he and Poppy answered "no," at the same time.

Poppy went on to explain. "You can only regrow a bone or a joint exactly like the one that had been there before."

Harry nodded, although it was actually a bit more magically complicated than that. "Right."

Raising an eyebrow, McGonagall said, "So what you're doing is…."

"Is growing *new* joints. It's a completely different procedure. St Mungo's, and other teaching and research hospitals have been doing research into it for years. There is a therapy that we've made a lot of progress on within the last few years that I think will help Severus."

Harry waved his wand and brought up a picture of Severus' knee. "I can fix that." Harry pointed to the injured joint. He called up another image of Severus' hip. "I can fix most of that, too."

"I hadn't realized the therapy had progressed that far. Nothing has been certified or published." Poppy clearly was keeping up with the research.

Harry was pleased that someone was looking out for Severus. "It is still experimental. But the joints we've fixed so far have remained stable."

"How long have they held?" McGonagall asked, her expression cautiously hopeful.

"The longest has been ten years, and it's still holding. We've made a lot of improvements since then."

"You developed this technique?" McGonagall asked.

Harry forced himself not to blush. He was proud of what he'd done. "Since I've joined the team, I've contributed as much as anyone else."

"When exactly did you join?" McGonagall fixed him with an intense look, and folded her hands into the sleeves of her robes.

Harry fought not to shuffle from foot to foot and met her gaze. "Right after I left basic healer training."

"But you would have had to specialize even before that for this kind of thing," McGonagall said. She sounded like she knew more about his schooling than he had realized.

He wasn't sure why it would matter, either. Unless…no, Harry thought, she didn't believe that, too. "Yes, I did have it in mind when I started."

"Did Severus know about your training?"

"I've mentioned it to him, but I didn't realize he was suffering from damage quite this extensive. He never said." And he should have, Harry thought, both annoyed and hurt that Severus had kept it from him.

"He wouldn't have." McGonagall looked resigned. "So, you can help him then?"

"Yes. I believe I can. I'll need his permission, of course. The procedure is quite painful." It had been a long time since he and Severus had argued seriously about anything. And he knew this would be a major row, but one that Harry was determined to win.

Poppy looked at McGonagall and then at him. "I can't imagine it would be worse than what he's living with now."

Harry agreed, but that didn't make it any easier to watch a patient suffer through the cure. That it would be Severus suffering would make it all the harder for him.

* * *

Later that evening, Harry sat beside Severus' bed, watching him sleep. He supposed that he could have gone home, but couldn't bear the thought that Severus might wake up alone and in pain. Too many times he'd awoken that way and knew how much worse everything felt when it seemed that no one cared, even if it weren't true.

Severus shifted, moaning softly, and opened his eyes. "What are you doing here?" His tone was a faint echo of his usual scathing nastiness.

Watching over you, Harry didn't say. He knew only too well that such a sentiment would not be appreciated. "How do you feel?"

"How do you think I feel?" Severus stiffened as Harry put his hand on his, but didn't pull away as Harry expected. After a moment more, he splayed his fingers so that Harry's fell between his.

"Not so well, I'm thinking." Harry knew that had to be the understatement of the year. His heart went out to Severus and he wished more than anything to be able to do something about it.

Severus' face was lined and gray with pain as he snapped, "If you knew the answer, then why did you bother to ask?"

When Harry would have withdrawn his hand, Severus didn't let go. Further indication of just how bad Severus must be feeling. Harry turned his hand up, interlacing their fingers. "I could hope that you'd be feeling better."

Severus breathed out sharply. "Not in this lifetime, I suspect. So take it as a given, and don't ask again."

The need to do something was becoming a physical ache within Harry. "Can I get you something? Some water?"

"No. Where is Poppy? I need the sleeping tonic again." Severus' voice was low and tight.

"You shouldn't take it too often, it's addictive--"

"I know that," Severus snapped, sounding a bit more awake, but not nearly as acerbic as usual.

"Of course you do. I've had something else sent over from St. Mungo's. It's a pain killer more than a sedative." Harry rubbed his thumb across the back of Severus' hand, wishing he could will the pain away.

"Why would you think I'd take that?" There was no heat or energy in Severus' words.

"Because it will make you feel better," Harry answered, carefully keeping all of his worry out of his voice and off his face.

Severus leaned up on his elbow and scowled at him. "Why would I trust you?"

There were several retorts Harry could have offered, but Severus wasn't up to sparring. Instead, he gave Severus an insouciant grin and shrugged. "What have you got to lose?"

As he expected, Severus smirked at him. "Since you put it that way, I'll take it."

"Thought you might." Pleased, Harry shifted to sit on the bed, putting his hand behind Severus' back in order to help him sit up further. "It's not going to put you to sleep."

"Then what good is it?" Severus asked, after he'd drunk the last bit of it.

"As I said, it will ease the pain. And then you might sleep naturally." Harry reached out, gently pushed the hair off Severus' forehead, and cupped his hand along the side of his face. He half-expected to be gutted for the touch, but surprisingly Severus leaned into it.

When he tried to ease Severus back down on to the bed, there was ever so slight a resistance. Acting on an instinct that rarely steered him wrong, Harry moved closer, gathering Severus very gently into his arms.

As he leaned against Harry's shoulder, Severus let out a deep sigh. "I don't care how I sleep, as long as I do. You don't have to wait for it to take effect."

Closing his eyes, Harry ran a hand up and down Severus' back, rubbing slowly and he hoped, comfortingly. A sense of rightness, of home, settled into his chest. "I think I will anyway."

"I don't suppose I can stop you." But Severus didn't let go or push him away. If anything, he seemed to burrow further into Harry. As unexpected as it was, it thrilled Harry. He wanted, no he needed, to be able to do this, to comfort Severus.

Harry wanted to shelter Severus from the night and all the hurt he was feeling, and find a way to make him well. "Think of it as doing me a favor."

"As if I'd ever do you any favors," Severus murmured. His warm breath drifted across Harry's neck pleasantly.

After a moment more, Harry knew Severus needed to lie down and sleep. The logistics weren't that easy to accomplish without hurting Severus or letting go of him, but he eased Severus back and swung his own legs up, managing to arrange both of them so that Severus was lying against him.

Harry shifted again, settling Severus against him more comfortably and was relieved when Severus relaxed further, laying his head on Harry's chest. The sense of rightness was more powerful now. Harry wanted to sink into it and never come out again.

"How are you feeling?" Harry asked, as Severus put an arm around his waist and breathed out slowly.

"The worst of the pain seems to be fading a bit. What was that?" Severus' voice was soft, all the hard edges blunted.

He had to be falling asleep, Harry thought, overjoyed that Severus was finally comfortable. "Shall I send you the recipe? You could brew it yourself, when you're feeling better."

"Yes. Aren't you going to leave now?" Severus asked, his voice slurring.

The sleepily defensive tone made Harry smile. He ran a hand over Severus' head. His hair was greasier than usual, but Harry could not have cared less. "I think I'll hang about for a while longer."

"I don't need you to be here." Severus' arm tightened, slightly.

Harry wasn't going anywhere, but he couldn't mention that. "I know you don't. I'm just going to stay for a moment. Does it bother you?"

"No. It's nothing to me."

"Of course not." Harry kissed the top of his head, and massaged his neck. They would probably never talk about this, but Harry was glad to be able to stay.

A moment or two later, Harry heard a soft snore and smiled. The more Severus could sleep without aid, the better he would be. Harry held him until first light and then slipped out of bed, and up to Minerva's office to floo home.

* * *

The following evening, Harry decided that Severus was well enough to talk about the procedure. His reaction was predictable.

"You want to do *what* to me?" Severus' tone was perfectly horrified. He was sitting up in bed. "I'm just beginning to feel a bit better and you want to put me in pain again. No, you inconsiderate boy. I won't let you experiment on me."

Even though he'd expected a fight, he was surprised by Severus' vehemence. Harry bit back a sigh. After last night, he'd half-hoped for some softening, but really, he should have known better. "It's not an experiment. And yes, it will hurt, but you'll feel better when we're done with you. I promise you that."

"You expect me to believe you know what you're doing?" Severus peered at him closely. "Why yes, you really do. I'm not that stupid."

"As it happens, I do know what I'm doing. But it won't be me doing the procedure. I've asked my supervisor to do it. She has much more experience than I do. Given last night and everything else, it wouldn't be ethical for me to do it." Harry knew it would be near unto impossible for him to put Severus in that kind of pain and then expect to remain even remotely objective.

Even before he'd finished, Severus was shaking his head. "No. If anyone is going to come at me with a wand, it's going to be you. Then I'll know who to hex when it doesn't work."

Harry didn't bother to point out that he'd know anyway. Instead, he laughed. Trust Severus to make things as difficult as they could possibly be. "No. I can't. Really. It wouldn't be right. My supervisor will be here in a few minutes."

"You really expect me to just go along with this?" Severus asked, coldly, folding his arms over his chest.

"It's in your best interest to do so. So, yes. I do expect you to agree to it." He glared at Severus, making sure his look said he was very serious. And he was. He wasn't going to let Severus continue to hurt himself out of whatever stupid sense of pride that was keeping him from doing what was needed. Even if Harry had to argue with the stubborn bat all night, Severus *was* going to have the procedure.

There was ever so slight of widening of Severus' eyes. Then, even more surprisingly, Severus nodded slightly. "Well, yes. However, before I agree to anything, I expect a full explanation of what you think you're going to do." Severus was in dictatorial professor mode, which didn't bother Harry when he'd been a student and bothered him less now. Still, he explained the specifics of the procedure to him with as much care and attention to details as he would have written one of Severus' exams.

Harry finished with, "It's actually quite simple --"

"Simple? I don't think so. This is complicated."

"It is. But what we do is simple. We regrow the joint, but unfortunately that means we have to remove it first." Harry called up the image of Severus' hip and pointed his wand at the worst of the joint damage. "As you can see, the damage is so extensive that it has to all be removed. There's no way to use magic to ease the pain of it because that would interfere with the process."

"Nor a potion," Severus said, considering. "Something Muggle perhaps?"

Harry and his colleagues hadn't considered anything Muggle yet. "We've spent most of our time perfecting the magic required. It doesn't take a powerful wizard to do it, but it takes skill and finesse --

"I'm surprised you managed it then," Severus said, his tone saying more than his actual words.

"Quite well as a matter of fact." Harry was proud that he had advanced as far as he had so quickly. It took some wizards years to learn to do the basic procedure. "Because of the time it takes to learn and how much work developing it was, we haven't had time to look at Muggle methods of pain control. You don't want to be the experiment, do you?"

Severus snorted. "I think not."

"We're planning to do some experimenting, once we've completely perfected the procedure --"

Outrage flashed across Severus' face. "It's not perfected? Then why on earth are you using it on me?"

"It works. We just haven't done it enough times to be completely certified." Harry told himself that Severus was just being Severus which was by definition difficult and there was nothing to be done about it.

Severus did not look mollified. Before he could think of any more objections, Harry's supervisor came in. She strode across the room, her robes reminiscent of Professor Snape's, but she was much shorter and the effect wasn't so dramatic.

"Severus," Harry started, as he supervisor came to stand next him. "This is Healer Jessica --"

"Thompson. I remember you." Severus' eyes narrowed with his displeasure.

"Yes. And I remember you as well, Professor Snape. You were one of the worst patients I've ever had." Healer Thompson didn't sound amused when she said it. But if she'd dealt with Severus before, she already knew he was difficult.

Harry wondered why she hadn't mentioned knowing Severus, but really, they'd barely had time to talk about the case. Still, if they didn't get on together at all, it would make things more difficult. Perhaps he should have chosen a different healer. "I hadn't realized you two knew each other."

Healer Thompson looked at Harry, surprise on her face. "I'm sorry. I thought you knew. It was right after the war. No matter. You know he's difficult." She pushed a strand of her dark hair back from her face.

"You dealt with me then, so you can deal with me now." Severus crossed his arms over his chest, looking quite irritated.

"I'm sure I'll manage," She said without inflection. Then she turned to look at Harry. "Have you explained everything to Professor Snape?"

"Yes," Harry said, relaxing a bit more. Healer Thompson was the best person on their team, even if she could be as difficult as Severus. They were actually quite well matched.

"Good," Healer Thompson said, and turned to Severus. "Do you have any questions?"

"I have no questions." The statement was flat, without inflection and for someone who didn't know Severus, if sounded as if he didn't care.

"Fine. We'll give you a few days for the swelling to go down and then we'll do the first procedure." She waited a moment and then stepped back, clearly ready to leave.

"I'd just as soon have it done sooner rather that later," Severus said. The demand in his voice seemed forced.

"As I said, we must wait a few days. It's not as if you're doing anything else." She turned and walked out the door.

"She doesn't have much bedside manner, does she?" Severus' tone was sour.

"No, not much. But she's a great teacher and an even better healer. I know you're in good hands. Besides, she reminds me of someone else…." Harry trailed off, grinning at him.

"Indeed." Severus did not look at all repentant, not that he ever did. After another moment, his expression changed, becoming blank.

Harry knew he must be afraid, just as he knew that mentioning it would not do at all. "It will be okay. I promise." Harry waited a moment, but Severus said nothing. Difficult bat. "Go to sleep. It's late."

"You're not going to stay here, are you?" Nothing in his tone or expression gave away what he wanted, but Harry knew him well enough to suss it out.

He sat down on the bed, and eased Severus up and into his arms, holding him gently, his hand rubbing slow circles over Severus' back. "Just for a bit. If you don't mind."

"I don't care," Severus huffed, pulling back to look at him. Harry was surprised at the gratitude in Severus' eyes.

Harry pushed the hair out of Severus' face. As he'd hoped, Severus leaned into his touch for a moment, and then settled back into the bedding without saying anything. Harry leaned forward and kissed his forehead. "Sleep well."

Severus grunted and closed his eyes. It wasn't long before his breathing evened out.

Good enough, thought Harry.

* * *

"You're aware it's going to be quite painful, aren't you?" Healer Thompson asked for perhaps the tenth time in as many minutes.

Severus was lying on his back with a sheet covering him. He didn't understand why he had to be naked, but she had said it made the work easier not to have to go through clothes. That made no sense to him, but he had decided not to argue. "You've said, repeatedly. And I did understand it the first time." Severus wished she'd just get on with it, and stop all the yammering.

Harry sat at the side of his bed, holding his hand. He regarded Severus gravely. "I'm going to put you in a binding spell so that you can't move."

Severus had expected that, but couldn't help the trickle of panic that slid down his spine. Even after all these years, he disliked being bound. He might manage it, but he wasn't going to be able to manage anything else. "You aren't going to gag me in any way, are you?"

"We don't usually do that," Healer Thomson said and then glanced at him. "I understand why you'd ask."

"Big of you," Severus snarled. He wasn't sure letting her near him was that good an idea, but….

Harry sighed and looked sympathetic, squeezing his hand in what he supposed Harry thought was a reassuring manner. Nothing was going to reassure him.

"If you're worried I'll scream…I won't." Severus was fairly sure he could keep that promise, but nerves coiled in his belly. Only the promise of pain relief kept him in the bed.

Healer Thompson eyed him critically. "Don't hold yourself back. It's better to let it out, if you want. You wouldn't be the first. I can live with it."

Severus hated that anyone would see him weak or in pain, and he especially hated that it would be Harry. But Harry didn't look like he'd move or take no for an answer. And some part of him was pleased by it, even if there was another part that was mortified. "All right."

Harry raised his wand. "Relax."

As if that were possible. Severus glared at Harry and felt his arms and legs go slack. He tried to move and couldn't.

"It's a special kind of binding spell. It doesn't allow you to tense up at all." Harry's voice was soothing, pushing back his panic.

"Well, I hardly expected Petrificus or Stupefy."

Healer Thompson waved her wand and an image of a joint came into view. Severus presumed it was his own.

"Here we go." Harry squeezed his hand again.

Thompson waved her wand again, and then started to work.

It hurt. As if Thompson had shoved her wand into Severus' hip and cast a burning hex -- a particularly painful one at that. It wasn't worse than Cruciatus, but only because the pain was localized. Severus bit his lip and tried to think around it. He wished he could squeeze Harry's hand back. Closing his eyes, he concentrated, but any kind of thought was impossible.

Severus bit deeper into his lip and tasted blood. He deeply regretted declining the silencing spell. The pain increased and the minutes dragged out, each one taking exponentially longer than the last. Severus could feel sweat trickling along his body. Tears pooled in his eyes, and slipped down into his hair. Just about the time he was losing his battle not to scream, the pain stopped.

The relief was stunning. Severus took several large gulps of air. The binding spell was released, and Severus sagged further into the bed, exhausted. Harry held a potion to his mouth and eased him up enough to drink it. He did without question.

"This will help you sleep. You should be fine when you wake up." Harry's voice was starting to fade out even as Severus finished the bottle. The last thing that Severus felt was Harry kissing his forehead. Oddly enough, he found that tremendously comforting.

* * *

 Harry gently ran the backs of his fingers along Snape's cheek. The procedure had gone well. Severus was sleeping peacefully. It had gone better, in fact, than Harry had hoped. Healer Thompson had been very pleased and that boded very well for his recovery

Severus could look forward to terrorizing students for years to come. Harry smiled at the image of Severus stalking through the corridors once more. Not that he'd appreciated that when he was a student, but over the years, he'd learned how hard it was to deal with children, especially when they didn't want to do what you wanted them to do.

As he continued to watch Severus' chest rise and fall, an odd mix of warmth and concern and rightness eased through him. Harry didn't think it was passionate love, but it was something he liked the feeling of a lot, something he wanted. He traced a finger along Severus' hand, just touching, reassuring himself that Severus was all right.

"How is Severus?" McGonagall's voice startled him out of his reverie.

He turned to look at her, wondering if what he'd been thinking was on his face and then wondered why he even cared. "Better. The procedure went well. I hate the fact that there is no way to shield the patient from the pain of it. Severus bit through his lip."

"Bloody proud prat," McGonagall said, fondly. "Why couldn't you put him to sleep for it?"

"Any internal magic would interfere with the magic of the procedure. Most patients think the pain is worth the lack of it, afterwards." The only thing that made watching the procedure tolerable for Harry was knowing that Severus would be so much better when the procedure was done. Even then, it had upset him to see Severus in such pain.

"If I were in that kind of pain, I would too. Though, I would not be silent about it," McGonagall said.

Harry chuckled. "Most people aren't, though I knew he'd try not to make a sound."

"He'll never change."

"I don't expect him, too." Harry wanted him up and walking and making his life difficult and meaningful, and full.

"What do you expect of him, then?"

He looked at her, and wondered what she meant. Or what she thought she knew. "I want to help him."

"I did a bit of checking on you and this procedure. You might have mentioned that you developed it." She tucked her hands into her robe and gave him a hard look.

"I modified it. I did not develop it. I've told you that before. I'm not the only one who worked on it." Harry felt his face heat. He was proud of the work he'd done, but McGonagall could still make him feel he was a naughty eleven year-old, hiding a secret.

"You did it for him." It wasn't even phrased as a question.

Harry knew it was at least partly true. He sat up straighter, knowing he had nothing to be ashamed of. "This is of great benefit to the entire Wizarding World, not just for Severus."

"But you did it for him, didn't you?" she repeated doggedly, her eyes boring into him.

"Minerva, I don't know what you're asking me." He kept his face perfectly blank and knew she saw through him anyway.

"Don't try and Minerva me, young man. I know you and how you think. You're still trying to pay him back for your life," McGonagall said, tartly.

"Not only my life, but Hermione and Ron's as well. Severus paid a very high price to help us. I'll never be able to repay him. That he isn't honored as a hero appalls me." More than appalls, it infuriated him when it was happening, and even now, Harry found it a bitter pill to swallow.

A shadow passed over her face. "People still remember that he had to kill poor Albus --"

Harry scowled at her. "On Dumbledore's orders. Because Dumbledore was dying anyway."

She held up her hand. "I know. And I forgave both of them for it."

"Then what?" Harry knew he wasn't being fair, but he'd fought this battled too many times already. He was tired of it.

"Then, nothing. There are those who can't forgive, who will never forget. And some who will never get past their own guilt." She met his eyes, unerringly.

"I don't feel guilty." He was lying and they both knew it. He had worked through most of the guilt, however. His feelings for Severus were so complex there was no longer any way to pull out one emotion, good or bad.

"I think you still do feel bad for doubting him for so long. Not to mention hating him for all those years."

"No. I had every right to hate him, then. He was cruel and petty." Harry would never completely forgive that mean, spiteful teacher, but he'd grown beyond it, and so had Severus.

McGonagall chuckled. "He was every bit as immature as you were."

"Except that I was a child and had a reason to be immature, whereas he was supposed to be the grown up." Surprisingly there wasn't a lot of bitterness left in Harry about it.

"We both know he wasn't."

"Given his background, is that so surprising?" Harry was glad to realize he was free of the past, to see that he and Severus could move on.

"You've grown up, haven't you?" She smiled at him, as if his growing up were an accomplishment of hers.

Maybe it was, in some part, Harry conceded and smiled back at her. "I hope so."

She looked down at Severus. "When will he wake up?"

"Probably in an hour or so. We'll give him a day or two to recover and then do his other hip, and then both of his knees. The rest of his joints are more or less all right. If they start to give him trouble in the future, we'll fix them."

McGonagall nodded.

* * *

"How did it go with Professor Snape?" Hermione asked as both she and Ron joined him at a table in their local.

"Quite well, actually. Healer Thompson did the last procedure on him yesterday, and he should be happily tormenting his students again by Monday." Harry took a sip of his fire whiskey, enjoying the feel of it burning down his throat.

"How are you?" She had that look in her eyes that said she was asking something else.

"I'm fine. I'm glad school will be over by the end of next week." Harry smiled. "I'm hoping we'll start dating."

"It seems kind of cruel, if you're not in love with him," Hermione said, her tone just this side of chiding.

Harry let it go. There would be no convincing her or Ron until it happened or didn't. "I truly hope I'll fall in love with him."

"I'm not sure it works that way. It didn't with George, anyway." Hermione shook her head.

"This isn't the same as with George. I'm not starting in the same place. Besides, I think dating will be good for Severus and me." Harry wasn't even going to try and express how much the anticipation of dating Severus filled him with pleasure. He couldn't remember ever wanting to date someone this badly, not even Cho in fourth year.

"I don't know, Harry. I think that you're setting Professor Snape up for a hard fall if you're not in love with him," Hermione said, her tone making it clear she did not believe it would be any different than George or anyone else Harry had ever dated.

"I may or may not be in love with him, but I already care deeply for him. I think what I feel will grow. I want it to." Harry knew it would be different, if only because it was Severus. Although he felt badly about George, he hadn't been nearly as invested in that relationship as he was in the possibility of this one.

"I actually think you two could work it out." Ron's support was a pleasant surprise.

Harry smiled at him. "Merlin, I hope so. I'd be…."

"What?" Hermione asked.

"Losing his friendship would…hurt." Harry's gut twisted just thinking about it. He was terrified that would happen, that he'd lose everything he'd gained with Severus.

Hermione looked at Ron and then at him. "You sound like you two have already made a commitment to each other."

"A commitment? I guess I've never thought about it that way. Maybe we have." Harry was coming to understand that whatever they had now could be more in the future. It also occurred to him that Severus' friendship had sustained him through a lot in the last ten years. He'd like to think they had sustained each other, without acknowledging it.

Ron saw it in his face. "I know you say you're not in love with him, but…clearly it's more than friendship. I don't understand how you could have missed it before now."

"Do you fall in love with every friend you've ever been close to?" Harry hadn't quite meant to put it that way. He wasn't in love yet. At least, he didn't think he was.

Ron took a sip of his ale, and then set it down. "It's not the same. I've only been that close to you and Hermione."

"Well, you didn't fall in love with me, did you?" Harry asked.

"No. But if you'd been a woman…." Ron trailed off, red streaking across his cheeks. He wouldn't look at Harry.

Hermione cleared her throat and her expression turned uncomfortable. "Ron?"

An unpleasant feeling settled into Harry's stomach. This was not a place he wanted to go.

Ron cleared his throat and rubbed the back of his neck. "I didn't mean it like that. What I meant was that I would have considered it. Oh, hell. I did consider it -- don't look at me like that Hermione. I didn't realize what I felt for you until I was almost seventeen. I was fourteen when I was the most important person in Harry's life."

"Actually, you were eleven, but go on," Harry said. He would never forget that Ron had been his very first friend and that had meant so much to him, then. And now.

"What are you saying, Ron?" Hermione didn't sound at all pleased by the revelation.

"Just what I said. I knew how Harry felt about me, and if I could have found it in myself to respond, I would have." He looked into Harry's eyes and smiled apologetically. "But I couldn't. It just wasn't in me."

"You're straight, Ron. So, let's just drop this," Harry said, wanting to relieve the sudden tension that had grown up around them.

"I had a point to make." Ron could be like a dog with a bone. It made him a very good Auror, but it drove Harry mad at times.

"What is your point?" Hermione asked, her tone still too tight.

"That maybe you should have already fallen in love with Snape. If you were going to," Ron said.

Looking relieved, Hermione nodded. "Yes. That's what I've been saying, too."

"Like I told you before, Ron, the circumstances are different. I think we both needed some time to get over the past," Harry said. "And even if I'm coming to love him now, it's not like you pull out your wand and cast Lumos and suddenly you're in love. These things take time." Or even if they didn't take time for other people, Harry knew it was going to take a while for him.

Ron shook his head. "I've been saying you have feelings for him for a long time."

"That's the thing, though, it hasn't been true for that long. I had to get to the point that I could even imagine being more than friends with him. There's part of me that still hates Professor Snape." Harry knew he wasn't explaining it well, that there was more to say, but he couldn't find the words.

"I think it's time to forget about Professor Snape and concentrate on Severus. We've been out of school a long time, mate." It always surprised Harry when Ron, of all people, would say something like that, something grown up.

"We have been." Harry looked at both of them. "I have to try with Severus. I have to give this my best effort." He gathered his courage for one last thing, probably the most important thing. "If I do this with Severus, and it works -- and I can't tell you how much I hope it does work -- are you going to balk when I want to bring him on Sundays, or for Christmas dinner, or any other family events?"

Hermione and Ron looked at each other and then smiled at Harry. "We've been expecting this for a while, remember mate?"

Unfortunately, Harry knew what Ron thought about Severus. He needed to be reassured that they would accept him. Harry needed to hear the words. "Are you?"

"He'll be welcome, just like you," Ron said, and left the *_because of you_*, unspoken. But Harry heard it and was grateful for it.

For a moment, anyway. "What about George?"

"You're going to need to give him a bit of time, but I think he'll be okay with it, after a while." Ron's voice had a large note of uncertainty in it as if he wanted to believe what he was saying was true, but couldn't quite make the leap.

Harry felt a lump form in his throat. "I feel so bad about that --"

"Don't," Ron said, waving a hand for silence. "You can't help that you don't feel that way for him. And you never meant to hurt him. Can't help it if you're dense."

Harry would have objected, except that now it looked like maybe they had been right about Severus. He sighed. "Thanks."

"We're both glad you're going to work it out with Professor Snape, Harry, really," Hermione said, but there was an undercurrent of amusement and smugness that said she knew she'd been right all along.

* * *

Harry watched as Severus very slowly maneuvered his way through the tables at The Three Broomsticks, heading in his direction. Despite his slightly unsteady gait, Severus looked like he was moving well, and he wasn't using his cane. A shard of joy, and no small amount of pleasure danced through Harry.

"You look good," Harry said, smiling for all he was worth. Severus had lost most of that gray look of pain that he'd had for too long.

"I never look good. However, I don't feel terribly bad." Severus slid into his chair and favored Harry with a slight smile.

That smile warmed Harry all the way through. "Is that your way of saying that the procedures worked and that I did right by you?"

"Wipe that idiot grin off your face. I'm here aren't I? I paid that outrageous bill. What more do you want?" Severus' tone was harsher than usual.

It startled Harry and he wondered what was wrong. Had he insulted Severus by allowing his supervisor to bill him? He thought not, but even after all these years of knowing him, Harry wasn't a hundred percent certain about what might set him off. "What does one thing have to do with the other?"

Severus sneered at him, but it was easy to tell that his heart wasn't in it. "Nothing. Let it drop, Potter."

An icy chill washed over Harry. He'd had high hopes for finally coming to an understanding with Severus about their future together. "Nothing more is required of you. If you didn't want to have dinner with me, you could have said."

"Potter…" Severus growled, clearly irritated.

Upset, Harry had no idea what he'd said or done to provoke this reaction. "You just said --"

"What did I say? Nothing yet." There was something more than annoyance in Severus' tone and Harry didn't know exactly what it was.

Hurt, Harry couldn't understand why Severus felt the need to be this nasty. Harry looked down at the table, unsure what to say. His former ease with Severus seemed very far away. "How are you feeling? Is there any residual pain?"

"As I said before, I'm fine." But the look on his face said that Severus was not fine.

Harry could not imagine what could be wrong. "Then, what is the problem?"

"There is no problem. Unless you have one." Severus' voice was sharp enough to cut paper.

An awkward silence fell between them and Harry was not sure what he could do to break it.

Part of Harry thought he was being stupid to let Severus get to him like this, and another part knew just how important this was. Too important to mess up. "This was supposed to be our first date. I thought we might move beyond insults."

"It's not a date," Severus said, and there was no mistaking the determination in his tone.

Harry frowned. "But…"

"I think we should simply go on as before." Severus sat back and folded his arms over his chest, as if daring Harry to argue with him.

"No. Wait. Don't I get a say in this?" Harry was starting to get rather tired of Severus' attitude.

Severus opened his mouth, probably to say something they would both regret.

Harry cut him off. "I want us to go out and spend time together. To be lovers. I don't want it to be like it was before. I want more."

"What makes you think I'd agree to such a spectacularly bad idea?" Severus asked, his eyes narrowing with displeasure.

"I can only hope." Harry bit back his anger. He'd finally got to the point where he knew what he wanted, and Severus was being difficult. While Severus hadn't said yes in so many words, he'd implied he wanted this. Rather heavily in fact.

He met Severus' gaze, and tried to convey what he was feeling. It might not be love, but it was the beginning of something he'd never had before, something he knew he wanted desperately. And something he *thought* Severus had wanted as well.

Severus paled, and coughed. For one second, he looked at Harry blankly. Then, he stood up. "I think I should leave now, before this gets any more ridiculous or tedious."

Any hope that Harry had had that this might work died a quick death. Harry nodded. He couldn't believe that Severus would simply leave. "All right."

But Severus turned and walked away.

Harry sat there for a moment, his heart pounding loud in his ears. His worst fears had just been realized and what was worse, he'd sat there and let it happen. What was wrong with him? He knew how to deal with Severus better than this. Gathering his courage around him, he stood and tossed some galleons on the table.

This was not over yet. He had a thing or two to say to Severus Snape. And by all that was holy, he was going to say it.

"Looking for someone?" A snide voice came from behind him as Harry rushed out the door.

He stopped short, whirling on Severus, who stood to the left of the pub's entrance.

Before Harry could lay into him for being a jerk, he noticed that Severus was leaning heavily on the wall.

Immediately concerned, all of Harry's annoyance fell away. He turned towards Severus. "Are you all right?"

"Yes. I'm fine. I simply tried to move too quickly." Severus sighed and pushed himself away from the wall.

"Why did you leave?" Harry asked, relieved that Severus hadn't got very far. They were long overdue for this conversation.

Severus didn't answer him. Instead, he walked slowly towards the path back to Hogwarts. Harry fell into step with him, confused, but determined that they have this out. After everything, he could not believe that Severus didn't want him. Which meant that it was something else all together. All Harry had to do was figure out what it was.

"I was told that exercise will help strengthen my muscles and make my joints work better," Severus said after a moment or two of silence.

"Wise person." Harry knew Severus, and knew he did things in his own time. He'd have to play this out to Severus' requirements. And Harry knew he would make it as difficult as possible.

"So I'm told."

"Why did you leave?" Harry asked again, knowing that Severus might or might not give him a straight answer, and trying to prepare himself for whatever answer Severus felt like giving him.

"I do not believe what you want is possible. Not now. Not from me." Severus' tone was so bland that he might have been talking about what to eat for dinner. But Harry was able to hear what was beneath the calm.

"And you're not willing to try?" No matter what Severus said, Harry simply didn't believe that he was willing to throw it all away. It didn't make sense to him. They had both come too far for such idiocy.

Severus sighed, a completely resigned sounding sigh. "No. Actually, I am willing. However, I understand how great the risk is."

He was right about it being something else. Relieved beyond words, Harry couldn't help his delighted grin. "The rewards could be greater."

"Perhaps." Severus paused and took a deep breath. He closed his eyes for a moment, taking several more deep breaths.

"Are you all right?" Harry asked, not caring that Severus would give him grief over his concern. The stubborn bat looked as if he were in pain. It wasn't something Harry could ignore.

Severus waved a careless hand at him and shook his head. "I am unused to any kind of exercise."

"I can Apparate us." And really, at this point, Harry knew that would be the sensible thing to do.

"I can do that for myself," Severus snapped and then took another breath before straightening up. "It's not that far. I'd rather try and walk."

Harry bit his tongue on suggesting that might not be the wisest thing he could do. As with most things, Severus was going to push it as far as he could and then beyond what was sane.

"Shall we try to do this, have a relationship, then?" Harry asked, holding his breath on the answer.

"I have to say I'm a bit curious as to why now? Surely, you haven't suddenly fallen in love with me?"

Harry heard the hope that Severus had let creep into his tone, and his heart clenched. "I don't know. Truly, I don't think I'd know love, that kind of love, if it bit me."

For some reason, Severus seemed to find that amusing. "It still doesn't explain why now and why me? You've not loved any of your other suitors."

Harry didn't think of Severus as a suitor, quite the reverse actually. He was the suitor. However, if Severus wanted to think of him that way, he wasn't going to complain. "I'm… um… I care for you. It might be more than that. I wish I could say. All I know is that I can't let you get away from me. I want you to belong to me."

"Ah, so you're possessive. I hadn't realized that." Severus sounded quite pleased by the revelation.

"I haven't been before. But I think I might be." Harry felt a blush start. In this particular case, the thought of anyone touching what was his, filled him with outrage. That startled him. Maybe he was closer to where he hoped to be with Severus than he'd thought.

Seeming to know what he was thinking, Severus snickered. "Unsurprisingly, it took you years longer to realize what was obvious than it takes anyone else. You really are quite dense, aren't you?"

"So, if you knew and every one else knew, why the bloody hell didn't you say?" It irritated Harry no end that no one bothered to bring the idea up until years after they'd all decided it was true. "Maybe we'd have got here a few years sooner."

"You seemed…otherwise occupied. I was in no hurry." Severus shrugged.

Harry wondered if Severus hadn't simply resigned himself to just being friends. If not, he would have liked a hint. It would have been so much easier for everyone concerned. "So you just waited for me to figure it out?"

"As I said, I wasn't doing anything else." The absolute casualness of Severus' tone said something different.

"But you dated other people!" Now, that he thought about it, it bothered Harry a lot more than he cared to think about. A lot more than it did when Severus was actually doing it.

Severus' eyes narrowed, but his expression seemed more amused than anything else. "You didn't seem to care."

"I do now," Harry snapped, knowing he shouldn't be annoyed and completely unable to help himself. Severus was his.

"It's too late now, Potter."

It was long past time to get off this subject. The past was gone. Harry wanted to move on. "I think it's time you started to call me Harry."

"Only if I must." But Severus smiled slightly when he said it.

Harry glared at him. This wasn't close to the first or the tenth time he'd asked, either. "Do you want to call me by my father's name when we're in bed?"

"I'd rather think about your father rolling over in his grave at the thought." Severus chuckled evilly.

"You could give that a rest." Harry wasn't fond of the image. And he wondered how much of any of it Severus believed anymore.

"I have. You brought him up," Severus said, but he hardly seemed annoyed about it.

"Point." But still… Harry tried not to think about what any of them might have said. It was too late to worry over it.

"They've been dead for many years now, let it go." Some of the sharpness he'd come to expect with Severus was noticeably absent.

"How --"

"Everything you think is clear on your face. You should learn to hide things better."

"Right. If I'm so dumb and easy to read, why do you bother with me?" Harry hadn't meant to sound as irritated as he had. But sometimes he needed to hear things, too.

Severus paused and looked him up and down. "You're quite decorative."

Of all the answers he might have received, that one was the most ridiculous, and it made Harry laugh. "I'm not, you know."

"Oh, I think you are." There was a definite leer in Severus' tone.

Under that, however, Harry heard the truth, and it warmed his heart as few things ever had. Not that he doubted how Severus felt, but it was nice to hear it said. "Is that a compliment? I'm shocked."

"I'm sure that it wasn't. And if you're expecting them, you'll be waiting a very long time." Severus' voice was low and gruff. And he was lying.

Harry could see that, but decided he could be magnanimous and not call Severus on it. "I know I've asked before, but if you feel this way about me, why aren't you nicer to me? Maybe you could give me an answer this time."

For a moment, it didn't seem he would answer, and then Severus smirked at him. "Being nice to you doesn't seem to have done your other lovers any good. Besides, you've grown to appreciate me as I am. I find I rather like that."

"Yes, I bet you do. You know, I can't believe you're not putting up more of a fight about this." Harry found that kind of troubling. Considering how they'd started this conversation at The Three Broomsticks, Severus shouldn't be this easy-going about the whole thing. Of course, if the difficult bat wanted to throw him off again, this might be the way to do it.

Severus blinked at him and then smiled. "You seem to need things spelled out for you just now. Besides, I'm fairly certain you're sincere."

That was just too easy, too pat, for Severus. Harry wondered where the catch was. "You can't possibly know that for sure. You can't know if I'll ever really…"

"Yes?" Severus had that smirk on his face again. The one he had in school when he was waiting for an answer from Harry that he was sure Harry didn't know.

"I might never fall in love with you." Even as he said it, Harry knew that it was going to happen. If he wasn't in love already, then at some point soon, he would be.

"True. But for whatever reason, it's clear you've chosen me." Severus seemed remarkably unconcerned about the future. That didn't seem like him at all.

But Harry couldn't argue with what he'd said. It was true. He *had* chosen Severus.

"Add to that," Severus continued, "You've spent years working rather diligently to help me. I'd say those were good first signs."

"Doesn't anyone believe I was interested in healing for its own merits, and not just to help you?" There was part of Harry that wanted that to be true, and another that knew, even then, that Severus had influenced his life. He supposed he'd just have to live with it.

Severus snorted inelegantly. "Oh yes. I'm quite sure that you are."

"Okay. I might have had you in mind, but it wasn't the only reason." Harry could hear the defensiveness in his tone, and wished it wasn't so apparent.

Severus slipped his arm through Harry's, and leaned a bit on him. "Don't worry so much."

Warmed by the gesture and what it symbolized, Harry put his hand over Severus. "You're okay with this, really?"

"I've had some time to get used to the idea. And I find that I like the thought." For once, there didn't seem to be any defense in Severus' words. He sounded…sincere.

Harry looked at him, and thought perhaps he was. That pleased him no end, except that, "You walked out when you saw how I felt."

"That was something of a shock. I was surprised and I don't generally handle that well."

"Oh, and that is such a surprise." Harry laughed at how chagrined Severus sounded. No matter how complacent Severus might seem, Harry knew he'd be dealing with Severus' defenses for a long time to come.

They walked in companionable silence until they reached the gates. Harry detangled himself from Severus and opened them. As they started up the path, Severus slid his arm around Harry's shoulder and leaned on him. Delighted, Harry wrapped an arm around his waist and supported him.

When Severus' door finally closed behind then, Harry gently pushed Severus up against the wall and kissed him deeply.

Severus groaned gratifyingly, his mouth opening to Harry's invading tongue. Pressing further into Severus, his excitement grew as he felt Severus respond to him. Lust washed over Harry. Thought left him as the press of lips on lips led to exploring fingers and soft touches and sweet sensations floating through him.

After a moment or two more, Severus pushed him back. "As much as having sex against a wall is a lovely fantasy, I doubt my knees will hold out for it."

Harry blinked to clear his mind and then, regretfully, nodded. He cupped Severus' cheek and leaned up for another kiss. Before he could get lost in it again, Harry pulled back and whispered against Severus' mouth, "Another time?"

"Perhaps." Severus' tone was low and sexy with promise. Harry shuddered as desire ran through him. Detangling them again, Severus took his hand and led him towards the open bedroom door.

Once there, Harry applied himself to kissing Severus, and unbuttoning each and every button on his robe, then his coat and finally his shirt.

"There are spells for this. Surely even you've learned a few useful spells by now." Severus sounded just a bit breathless, Harry was happy to note.

"But what fun would that be?" His hands were shaking as Harry slid them into Severus' half-open shirt and drew a circle around one nipple, before he leaned down to run his tongue down the center of Severus' pale chest. He wanted to make it good for Severus, to please him, to make him moan with pleasure.

At the touch of Harry's tongue on his skin, Severus did moan. The sound flowed over Harry, arousing him, pleasing him, making him want to hear it again and again.

"I shall be old and gray by the time you finish with your task." Severus was even more breathless now.

"Are you so impatient for me?" That Severus could be so hot for him, put fire into Harry's veins.

"What do you think?" To punctuate his words, Severus pressed into him, leaving no doubt how aroused he was.

"I think I should be flattered." Reaching down, Harry stroked along the hardness with one finger, overjoyed to hear Severus' hissing breath.

"Do as you please, as long as you finish what you are doing rather than lingering along the way, or I shall go to bed without you." Severus ordered, his tone too breathless to be any kind of threat.

"In my own time." Harry did want to move things along, but if he'd learned nothing else, he knew that to stretch the preliminaries out added to the overall enjoyment. And he wanted Severus to enjoy this, wanted him to remember it forever.

He took his time, lingering over each article of clothing, licking along the skin he found, making Severus moan in frustration. Once he finally removed the last piece of Severus' clothing, he stepped back to look at him.

Severus stood quietly under his gaze, not looking at him.

His desire was dampened a bit by the obvious uncertainty. Focusing on Severus, Harry knew anything he might say would sound trite or like a lie. Severus was not beautiful or well made or anything other than skinny and scarred. Instead he stepped forward and embraced him, kissing Severus deeply, letting him know that Harry accepted who and what he was.

"Turn about is fair play. I believe it is my turn," Severus murmured when Harry pulled back from the kiss.

If he'd thought that he'd been slow, Severus was more so. He deliberately drew out each task, kissing and stroking Harry along the way. Driving him mad with need. Each touch sent a shard of desire sliding through Harry's skin to his groin. It was as if Severus' fingers and tongue were specially designed to give him pleasure. And as good as that was, there was no release in it, only more building of the fire that had been stoked in him.

After far too long a delay, Severus finally eased him back onto the bed and lay down beside him. He gathered Harry close, stroking a hand down his back, fingers dancing along his spine, moving lower to gently grope at his arse.

"Mmm…" Severus murmured, squeezing again.

Harry ran his hand down Severus' back. He's seen the scars, of course. They were hard to miss and worse to look at. How he wished that he could heal them. No, he wished they'd never happened. Harry traced the thickest scar with his finger.

Shuddering beneath his touch, Severus pulled back slightly. "How can you bear to touch it?"

"You received many of those scars saving my life. How can I not want to?" Harry turned him and, starting at his shoulders, licked across the scars on his back. They were horrible, thick and knotted, but they were also a testament to Severus' sacrifice and his will to survive. And as such, they should be honored.

When Harry was done with his back, he turned Severus again, and started down the front. Severus groaned as Harry's mouth made contact with his nipple, and then sighed as he moved away. Harry was enjoying the teasing, enjoying each touch, each lick, each moan.

"You've made your point, Potter." Severus sounded nicely breathless.

Harry laughed and kissed the center of his chest. "You could start to call me Harry about now."

"I'll consider it. If you stop wittering about and start doing something." Severus' pulled him up and kissed him, his tongue stroking along Harry's lips and then into his mouth.

"What would you like?" Because Harry was pretty much willing to do anything he wanted.

"Your mouth. Your hands. Your prick." Severus' tone was low and deep, and oh so very sexy.

Harry wondered if he could come from just the sound. He kissed Severus deeply, laying him flat on the bed and taking his time to explore slowly down his body. Desire fueled a slow fire in him. He wanted to learn all of Severus' sensitive spots, wanted to make him burn with desire, wanted to hear him moan with pleasure.

When Harry licked at the juncture of neck and shoulders Severus' moan made him shiver. When he kissed the inside of Severus' elbow, it was Severus who shivered. When he bit the soft skin of the inside of Severus' thigh, they both moaned as the lines of tension started to pull taut between them.

Pressure started to build in Harry, a slow moving blaze.

When Harry finally closed his mouth over Severus' hard, wet prick, Severus cried out, and arched up from the bedding. Severus' responsiveness and enthusiasm delighted him, excited him to be part of it. Opening his throat, he took Severus all the way in, humming softly.

"Please…." Severus' moan was soft and needy.

Harry wasn't ready to let it end, not yet. He lifted his head, and when Severus looked up, his eyes were flashing with annoyance.

Harry smiled at him. "I want to fuck you."

For one second, he thought he might have misunderstood, but Severus smirked back at him. "As you please."

Intense desire washed through Harry. Taking several deep breaths to steady himself, he knew he had to make it good for Severus. "From the back, I think. It will be the easiest position for you."

Harry started to turn him, but Severus shook his head.

"I want to see you." The look in his eyes said this was not negotiable.

Harry nodded, hoping it wouldn't cause him more pain than pleasure.

"Accio lubricant." Severus held out his hand and a green glass jar appeared in it. He handed it to Harry.

Desire seared through Harry. When he opened the jar, his hands were trembling so badly he nearly dropped it.

"Smells nice. Spicy." Harry slid his fingers into the viscous liquid. "Feels good, too."

"It will feel better inside me." Severus sounded quite impatient, which pleased Harry no end.

"I'm getting there." Harry nudged Severus' legs apart, and pressed in one slick finger.

Severus sighed deeply and shifted. "Good."

Encouraged, Harry continued, slowly, making sure Severus was enjoying it before he moved on. It didn't take long for Severus to be groaning with each movement of his fingers.

Getting Severus arranged correctly took only a moment or two. Harry didn't want to hurt him or strain the new joints. He draped Severus' long legs over his shoulders, and with their eyes locked, Harry sank into him.

Tight heat surrounding him, Harry had to close his eyes and fight the urge to thrust. Only the certain knowledge that he had to give Severus a moment to adjust to his invasion kept him still. After he felt a slight relaxation, he breathed out in relief that he could move.

Tentatively he thrust forward, moving deep, changing angles slightly each time, searching. Severus felt so good in his arms. Finally he had someone of his own, someone who meant so much to him, someone who fit with him. Harry was ecstatic, moved beyond words or thought. It was a dream come true.

He moved in Severus, increasing his pace at Severus' commands, pleasure washing over him.

"Stroke me," Severus said with a note of frustration in his tone.

Harry took hold of Severus' prick, pumping it in time with his thrusts. Soon after he touched him, Severus came, arching his back off the bed and crying out.

He gripped Severus' hips harder, pressing in tighter. And then, he was lost in it, in the exquisite pleasure of Severus' tight welcoming body, in the joy he felt, in the emotions that flowed over him, lost in Severus.

Harry groaned out Severus' name and came as well, spiraling into perfect ecstasy. It had never been so good. Not with anyone else. That it was Severus giving him so much pleasure should have been a surprise, but instead, Harry knew he'd come home.

After muttering a cleaning spell over both of them, Severus snuggled down beside Harry, gathering him into his arms, and kissing him softly. "My turn next."

"Give me a little while," Harry murmured into his hair, sleepy and sated. "Then you can have anything you want."

"Don't make those kinds of promises. You'll regret them in the morning." Severus was trying to sound ominous, Harry was sure, but it came out sounding just as sated as Harry felt.

Harry didn't care anyway. He knew at long last he'd found the promised land. And whatever Severus might want to let him stay there, Harry would make sure that he had it to give.

\-- finis

Written: 9/15/05-1/27/06


End file.
